SPICE UP YOUR MARRIED LIFE

Marriage is a sacred bond, a Sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad(saw) and the way of attaining the pleasure of Allah.

Married Life:

When everything is new, it is easy to remain enthusiastic, but the reality is that somehow along the way in that journey, many people lose sight of the beauty in a good marriage and fall into negative patterns. A marital bond is something that is meant to be cultivated and grown with efforts from both husband as well as a wife. Whether you are just beginning your married life or are into it for quite some time. Add value to your bond and relation. Here are some tips to spice up your beautiful journey.

1.   Set aside time for your spouse (Married Life)

Aisha (RA) reported that she was with Allah’s messenger during a journey. She said, “I was not bulky”. He told his companions to move forward and they did. He then told me: “Come and race me”. I raced him on foot and I beat him. But, on another journey, when I became bulky, he asked me to race him. I raced him and he beat me. He started laughing and said: “This makes up for that beating”.

The greatest gift that you can give your spouse in a marriage is endless your time. Of course, we have work and daily chores that need to be fulfilled but not giving your spouse the proper time that they deserve is being unjust towards them. How can one expect a beautiful understanding and strong bond with another person if he/she doesn’t spend time with his/her spouse?

It is this primary bond that will build the foundation of the family, so it has to be nurtured. Take drives, go out on walks, and even sit back at the end of the evening with a cup of tea or coffee to have a meaningful conversation.

married life

2. Express your love through gratitude

“And of His signs is that He has created spouses for yourselves from your own selves so you might take comfort in them and He has created love and mercy among both of you. In this, there is evidence (of the truth) for the people who (carefully) think.” (Surah 30, Verse 21).

Love and mercy should be the hallmarks of any solid marriage and relationship. We see that it is stipulated in the scriptures. But is this truly what is practiced in modern daily life?

One must never take another person for granted. We all have our emotional needs. Certain actions of kindness and love work a great deal. Also, a nice little gesture or word indicating your love towards your spouse is great. That extra snack that your wife packs into your lunchbox or when your husband agrees to take the children away so that you can have time at your Mum’s place, can all seem mandatory and expected.

3.   Make an effort

Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās Radi Allahu anhu said: “As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself with her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because of Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” (Qur῾ān2:228.)[11]

Our spouses have the right to see us in good shape and hygiene. Always remember that your spouse is a deserving recipient of your best. Marriage can be a complex situation at times, but there are still basic principles of a man and woman and attraction at play in a husband and wife relationship in Islam and an effort made in this department can help strengthen the marital bond.

A good scent, a clean body, good dress, and some makeup and accessories for the ladies all communicate to your spouse that you have a positive attitude about yourself and that you respect your marriage enough to make the effort. Men must also make the effort to be well-groomed to the best of their ability.

married life

4.   Do fun, halaal activities together

The Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) stated, “Allah is pleased when a husband plays with his wife, due to this he fixes Sawaab (good reward) for them or he establishes halal rizq (lawful sustenance) for them.” (Al-Ifsah Ibn Hajr Haithami)

From an Islamic perspective, marriage is treated with the utmost solemnity. However, this does not mean that fun within the marriage context should not be had.

As much as marriage can fall into a routine, it is important that as a couple you two retain the identity of man and wife. Before the two of you may have become mum and dad, you were both each other’s sweethearts and it is important to retain that identity and grow the love that exists there. Play games, eat out at your favorite restaurants and get the heart rate up with some fun adrenaline -filled sport. Create a buzz that you will remember and talk about for years to come.

married life

5.   Be thoughtful, kind and give gifts (Married Life)

“Be kind towards your women. Take heed! You have rights over your women and your women also have rights over you. Their rights over you are that you provide food and clothing for them in good faith. Your rights over them are that they do not allow and nor do they give permission, for people to trespass into your house whose presence you dislike.” 

There is an understanding from this Hadith and the essence of that understanding is that there are rights and responsibilities that exist between men and women. A man must take the helm as a provider, but equally, a woman needs to close ranks and protect the home from any presence that may threaten it.

Get him or her, their favorite attar or book they would like to read. Contrary to what it may seem like, these are not necessarily material expressions of love. What it does convey, is that you took the time to observe and listen to your partner’s needs and found ways to meet them, which is in itself an ideal way to endear yourself to your partner.

married life

6.   Communicate with each other regarding feelings (Married Life)

The Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) said, “I severely dislike that woman who puts her cloak on and leaves the home in order to complain about her husband.” (Tabrani, Haithami)

If indeed your marriage has come to the point, where you feel that you need to go outside of the home to vent and complain about your spouse, perhaps it might be time to re-examine your methods of communication. Consider taking the time to discuss feelings and emotions. Both men and women are different in the ways in which they feel and interpret behavior. Make sure conversations are constructive, rather than destructive.

Speak from a place of building rather than breaking down. As husband and wife in Islam, you should always speak about how you feel and don’t just express displeasure but also speak of your joys and successes. If you are displeased with something about your spouse, converse with him/her in most polite and humble way. If your spouse is upset with you try to bring joy and fix the problem without being stubborn.

married life

7.   Take responsibility for the energy you bring to the table

Narrated AbuHurayrah: When the Prophet (peace be upon him) congratulated a man on his marriage, he said: May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good (works).

Sunan of Abu Dawood – Book 11 Hadith 2125

From this narration of hadith, it is evident that each partner needs to take responsibility for the attitude and the actions that they bring to the table in married life. The good works referred to isn’t necessarily a reference just to actions and deeds, but also to act in good faith and good spirit toward one another.

Married Life :

8.   Be positive and spontaneous

“The most perfect believer in faith is the one whose character is finest and who is kindest to his wife.” Hadith

Love and marriage thrive under positive action. Take that leave that you’ve been putting off. For just one evening of the week, skip the gym and get home a little earlier to your wife. Ladies, meet your husband in the middle of a workday for a lunch date. Most importantly speak to your spouse in the quiet times about acts of spontaneity that would add value to their lives. Then make it a part of the marriage ‘bucket-list’ to go about adding those highlights to their lives.

married life

9. Remember the good times and protect each other

“They (your wives) are a clothing (covering) for you and you too are a clothing (covering) for them.” (Surah 2, Verse 187)

Marriage is the ultimate act of teamwork. With this in mind, protect your partner, speak positivity into their life. Remember that you are not just a marital partner, but the other half of a winning team (married life). Inshallah, your marriage is a growing asset and foundation upon which you will raise wonderful children and fulfill the goals of half of your deen.

10. Allow your spouse to be themselves (Married Life)

Narrated by Thawban: When (the wahi) “And those who hoard gold and silver” came down they were with the Prophet (sall Allahu alaihi wa sallam) on one of his journeys. One of his companions said, “It has come down about gold and silver. Would that we knew which property is best so that we might acquire it!” He replied, “The best property is a tongue which mentions Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife who helps a man with his faith.”

Ahmad, Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah transmitted it.

[Al-Tirmidhi – Hadith 2275]

Accept your spouse for who they are. Be present in the relationship and the marriage that you have built.  Simply put, what this means is accepting your spouse and allowing them the space to be themselves. Too often in marriages, one or the other spouse tends to dominate, scold or belittle the other in front of guests and the children just to keep up appearances. Such behavior places a damper on the spirit of the marriage.

Yes, there may be aspects in the other that cause you irritation, but the truth is that variety is the spice of life.

If you really have a problem with the way your husband slurps his soup or if you find your wife’s laughter to be a little too high-pitched at a social gathering, quietly and lovingly address such issues away from the public eye. Remember that the purpose of a journey in marriage is to grow together and part of that is allowing your loved one to be true to who they are.

May Allah bless us all.

LOVE MARRIAGE OR ARRANGED MARRIAGE – WHAT IS BETTER ACCORDING TO ISLAM?

LOVE MARRIAGE OR ARRANGED MARRIAGE 

Praise be to Allah.
The issue of this (love marriage or arranged marriage) depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah :

The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage.  If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”

love marriage
Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage

But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.

Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other.

The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him.

And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.

So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.

love marriage

Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.

With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman.

It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)

But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable.

And Allah knows best.

(Source Islam Q&A)

WHAT DOES ISLAM SAY ABOUT “LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE”

“LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE” IN ISLAM (Love Marriage)

Marriage is a very special and sacred bond created by Allah subhana-wa-ta’ala between a man and a woman.
Marriage makes them permissible for one another and lives a life of beauty. Allah azzawajal has described in glorious Quran this relationship in most beautiful terms and has mentioned that this bond is filled with love, mercy, compassion, security, and understanding. (love marriage)

“And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)

Thus a marriage is a blessing and a source of mercy and comfort for a man. It is also a very important Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw)

love marriage
Love Marriage

Love Marriage :

 The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said:

“The Nikah is my Sunnah (way), whosoever leaves my Sunnah is not from amongst me” (Kitabus Sunan – Mishkat)

In another narration he has narrated: 

“Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at non-permissible females and protects you from immorality. However, those who cannot devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

In Islam, a marriage is valid if both bride and groom have accepted the bond and by the permission of the parents of both of them. 

Islam does not blame a person’s feeling. One can have a feeling of love for known or unknown reason and he/she is not accountable for what he feels. The emotion of love that one feels is not the subject of questioning on the day of Judgement. But the actions that follow that emotion are accountable.

If the actions lead to evil, it is forbidden. If it doesn’t then it is acceptable. If it prompts you to see that person in seclusion, talk to them for hours, hide that from your parents than it is forbidden, my brothers and sisters. 

love marriage

Some Hadith and Quranic verses that support this:

“….then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire” (Quran – Surah Al-Ahzaab : 32)

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not be alone with a woman who has no mahram present, for the third one present will be the Shaytaan.” (Ahmad – saheeh by al-Albaani)

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allah Forgives him)” (Quran – Al-Isra’ : 32)

“If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, that would be better for him than his touching a woman who is not permissible for him.” (Al-Tabaraani –saheeh by al-Albaani)

Marriages that are done due to people falling in love are acceptable as long as they do not cross the limits set by Allah azawajal (love marriage).

If a person happens to love someone he/she should approach the other lawfully and get married immediately (love marriage). For marriage will protect them from evil sexual desires and indeed from hellfire.

“And of His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you might reside with them, and has put love and mercy between you. Surely, there are signs in this for those who think. (Quran – Al-Room : 21)

If a child asks his/her parent to get him/her married than they must do so immediately. Excuses like caste, race, color, society, financial status etc. are not accepted. The only things that matter are the deen of Allah and a good character. If you deny your child the right to marriage with the person of their choice on the grounds of financial status or caste than you are accountable for your action. May Allah protect us all.

Abu Hurairah narrates that the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said :

“when one with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage then accede to his request. If you do not do so then there will be a temptation in the earth and extensive corruption”. (Tirmidhi)

love marriage

In Islam, it is not a sin to feel a specific way or feeling of affection for a certain individual since a human being has no control over such things. However, he is definitely responsible for the actions that follow. He will be accountable if he got carried away by this feeling. That is where a man has to restrain himself and protect himself from harm.

Islam does not allow the illicit relationship between a man and a woman. Allah has established the bond of marriage between a man and a woman so that both of them enjoy each other’s company in a legitimate way and bot may attain Allah’s mercy and blessing. There is no blessing in an illicit affair.

Islam forbids all forms of ‘dating’ and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex, as well indiscriminate mingling and mixing.

Correspondence between sexes leads to fitnah. If, however, one does none of the above, and all that he or she wants is to seriously consider marrying someone, such a thing itself is not considered haram.

In fact, Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Which in no sense means that we are allowed to “date”.

Love Marriage :

The permissible ways to get the one whom you loves are sufficient i.e

Contact the wali or the guardian of the person whom you desire to marry, there is no need for haraam means (love marriage), but we make it hard for ourselves and the Shaytaan takes advantage of that.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him.

love marriage

But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences (love marriage). In this case, it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man and say that he wants to marry her.

Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly or if the man contacts woman directly, this is may lead to fitnah (temptation).


IS IT RIGHT TO CHANGE SURNAME AFTER MARRIAGE

Woman Changing her Surname After Marriage

Praise be to Allah

The wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) are the Mothers of the Believers, and the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam), is the noblest of people and the best example. And yet when we look at their example, we will realize that when the Prophet(Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) married any of his wives, NOT ONE of them took his name. (Change surname after marriage)

On the contrary, each one of them kept her father’s name even if her father was a kaafir. Similarly, the wives of the Sahaabah and those who came after them did not change their names.

Did you ever think why they didn’t do that?

Surely, if it was a good thing, the wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) would have done it and the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) would himself have instructed it and encouraged them to do it.

That is because it is Allaah’s order to keep your father’s name as an indication of your lineage.

“Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their fathers, that is more just with Allaah…” [al-Ahzaab 33:5].

And the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

“Whoever calls himself by other than his father’s name, will be cursed by Allaah, the angels and all the people.” (Ibn Maajah -Saheeh by al-Albaani).

change surname after marriage
Change surname after marriage

And he (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) also said:

“Whoever knowingly claims to belong to anyone other than his father, Paradise will be denied him.” (Ahmad, al-Bukhaari, Muslim).

Now some might argue….“But the woman is not claiming that her father is someone else. She is just honoring her husband or she doesn’t mean it that way. She just wants to belong to her husband out of love for him.”

To those people I say.

If it was a matter of honor to have the husbands name attached to the wife’s, wouldn’t our Ummahaat have done that??

Isn’t it the biggest honor in the WORLD to have the name of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) attached to yours? And yet the wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) didn’t do that.

Ever wonder why?

And if it was a matter of expressing love for the husband, no relationship between a husband and wife on the face of this earth was better than the relationship between the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) and his wives. And yet none of the Mothers of the Believers expressed their love for the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) by changing their last names.

And Allah knows best.

MARRYING MR. RIGHT IN WRONG WAY TOWN

Marrying Mr. Right

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, THE MOST GRACIOUS, THE MOST MERCIFUL

Marriages are made in heaven, but the wedding ceremony takes place on earth … and at times, besides the Mehr-e-Fatimi, there is nothing heavenly about it. (Marrying Mr. Right in wrong way town)

Many thousands of years ago, long before this earth was even created, when the pen of destiny was writing in the skies, the sweetest thing happened: the name of your sweetheart was placed next to yours.

Special consideration was taken in this sacred union by the Almighty Himself.

mr. right
Marrying Mr. Right

It was to be blessed with happiness and prosperity. But sadly on our part on earth, the way some of us conduct our wedding ceremonies nowadays, it seems that everyone but the Almighty, that loving Being responsible for our happiness, is relevant and needs to be obeyed and pleased.

Our ideas of having a modern un-Islamic and fancy wedding starts many years before we even find our better half. These crazy wedding fantasies are mostly obtained from romance novels, movies, sitcoms, fashion magazines and ofcourse, the bad example set by others in our own family and community.

We have all read about the simplicity of our Noble Prophet Muhammad (May peace be upon him) and how his daughters got married, but there is always a big BUT to it:

“We know its sunnat to be simple, BUT we can’t exclude anyone from the invitation list.” “It’s our first daughter’s wedding and we know it has to be simple, BUT we can’t break her heart.”

The best justification yet for abandoning the blessed Prophetic way is this:

“Our neighbor got married last year and although they are only working class, they invited 1000 people. Must we now keep it simple and show they are richer than us? We are not cheapskates! Let’s show them and invite 2000 people.”

Mr. Right
Marrying Mr. Right

No one can plead ignorance as to how the ideal Islamic marriage is to be conducted nowadays, but somehow everyone seems to forget this when their daughter starts weeping or when the neighbours may comment how stingy one is for not making the send off of their child a most memorable one.

We seem to be more worried of the opinion of people and our status in society than the pleasure of the Almighty. For this disobedience, we are punished in various ways without even realizing it.

Let us now see what’s wrong with our wedding functions nowadays.

Besides the mandatory Nikah ceremony which is usually held in the Masjid, and the Waleemah (nuptial feast), it must be known that nothing else is really prescribed in Islam.

But Islam is only meant for the books nowadays, so many couples unofficially marry their sweethearts over facebook or by dating a few months or years before the official marriage ceremony.

When they do decide to tie the knot, they call upon the friendly community Shaikh or Imam to solemnize their Nikah in a Masjid. Sometimes, a special Shaikh is flown in from overseas to add to the status of the marriage. At times, the blessed environment of the Masjid is left out and the Nikah is solemnized in the hall.

The Shaikh or the Imam is only there to legalize the contract, and to make sure he turns a blind eye to all the wrong going on around him. The serious lecture on the rights of husband and wife in the Masjid is replaced by gags and giggles by a humorous MC in the hall, and the sacred atmosphere is very soon turned to one of merry-making and fun.

Sometimes, the Imam is even used as a rubber stamp to sanction all the evil that takes place at these gatherings; and after the white envelope is safely tucked away in his pocket, he will even pose for a photoshoot!

Yes, we have taken our religion for granted.

mr. right
Marrying Mr. Right in wrong way town

And this is why on the day when we are supposed to be pleasing the Almighty the most, we anger Him the most. We pay the price for this many years thereafter without even knowing it.

Some marriages end in messy divorces a short while thereafter, some couples have endless financial, in-laws, addiction, extra-marital or family issues, whilst others go through so much depression and anxiety in their marriage that they wish they could turn the clock back and would’ve never married.

Let’s not be foolish and destroy our future lives for one day of pleasure. Do it right so the rest of your life can go right.

There is no mehndi night, belly dancing night, meethu mauru (sweetmeat) night, or bachelor night. There are no lavish meals a week or two before the nikah ceremony, and late nights of gossiping and smoking. Yes, family and friends are welcome to visit and create an atmosphere of joy, but there is no elaborate occasion for this.

In fact, the custom of delaying the wedding for many months after the proposal is also un-Islamic as Islam teaches us to marry as soon as a suitable partner is found. About a month is a reasonable time to prepare, not ten to twenty months! The more the marriage is delayed, the more attention the families will pay to shopping and planning a lavish wedding.

It will also give more time for mischief makers to dig up the past of the future couple and start spreading rumors, which sometimes lead to the breakup of the couple or delaying it for several years.

The couple should separately attend marriage classes before their wedding, and register for various workshops offered in this regard.

Authentic literature can also be studied so that the couple makes a mental adjustment of what is expected of them after the Nikah. For boys in particular, your ten fishing buddies will be replaced by one killer mermaid, so prepare for it. Also remember that the ring band given at the time of engagement is no license to see each other or go out together before the Nikah.

There will be ample time for that afterwards.

Now comes the big day. Keep it simple.

Our most noble Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told us that the wedding in which the least amount of expenditure is incurred, will have the most blessings.

He (peace be upon him) also told us that the function to which the poor is not invited, is cursed. So, let us compete in earning the pleasure of the Almighty, and not by competing with the Jone’s. Never take a loan for a wedding. Islam doesn’t place such a burden on one’s shoulder. There is simply no need to pitch up at the hall in a hot-air balloon or in your distant cousin’s yellow Ferrari. No need to walk down the aisle with a R40 000- gown which you will never wear thereafter, to the accompaniment of haraam music.

There is no need for a five-course meal, photoshoots and making elaborate videos of the day for which half the people don’t end up paying.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town


The function can be held in a humble tent or a Masjid or community hall – there is no need to hire out halls for as much as R50 000- per day when Muslims around the world are starving or fleeing for their lives from war-torn areas.

But extravagance is not the only issue at weddings. The show of outfits, intermingling of men and women and the mountains of makeup is even worse.

Many guests dress up as if they are getting married on the day, and some women apply so much make-up that a skyscraper can be built on their face! For them, scarves are meant for the shoulders, not the heads! Some brides and grooms tend to be religious in their daily lives, but on the wedding day they throw caution to the wind.

It’s also observed that some functions do have a partition to separate the ladies and the men, but as soon as the biryani is served, the floor crossing starts.

This is called yo-yo partition – up down, up down! The competition peaks when the designer gifts, or kunchas, are displayed for all to see in the hall or in the bride’s home.

Some gifts will have money made in the shape of trees, some will have expensive watches and exotic jewelry, some fruity perfumes and the latest outfits, whilst others will have grape juice in wine-shaped bottles and Swiss chocolates. It’s such shows of ostentation that invites burglars to break into one’s home on the wedding day.

The above are just a few of our crimes committed on the wedding day.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town


Apart from these crimes, we have the bad habit of arriving late as per “Indian Time” (two hours late) or according to “Arab Time” (five hours late).

Never mind the cook, the children and the elderly, as well as the sickly and diabetics are greatly inconvenienced by this. Those who need to travel a great distance to return home or those who do not want to miss their Fajr prayers are also pained. Let us take heed of these factors and change our ways.

For those who had a wedding reception in which some or all the above crimes were committed, there is a way out. Repent sincerely to the Almighty; as expiation, make sure that the same mistakes are not committed when you get your children married one day. Take it upon yourself to advise family and friends to keep their weddings simple.

Read the life story of the Queen of Paradise, Sayyidah Fatima az-Zahra and the Pure Wives of the Prophet, and try to emulate their example of simplicity and piety. Above all, break the cycle by setting a good example.

Finally, remember that weddings last only a day, but a marriage lasts a lifetime.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town

Let’s put the same effort daily in our marriages as we put on our wedding day, and our lives will become heaven on earth.  Aameen

SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES

SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE | ISLAM | CONSEQUENCES

In the name of Allah, most compassionate and most merciful.

SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES :-
“From among the signs of the Hour (end of time) are that religious knowledge will be taken away (by the death of religious scholars), ignorance will prevail, drinking of alcoholic drinks, and there will be a prevalence of Zina.” – Prophet (saw) We begin our topic with these words of our beloved Prophet.

Sex before Marriage
Sex before Marriage

How true were his words? We live in a world where all these things are prevalent and unfortunately in our Muslim community as well. Many of our Muslim brothers and sisters are trapped in the evil of Zina and it has become a norm for them, as a result they don’t even consider it haram and unlawful.

Allah says in holy Quran: Sūrah al-Isrā’, 17:32:
“And do not even approach zina, for it is an outrageous act, and an evil way…’’

We are not going into detail about why Zina is unlawful but in this article, you will find the consequences of this sin. How this affects a life of a person physically, mentally, spiritually and socially.

Imaam Ibn Al-Qayyim said,
“Fornication and adultery combine all evils; weakness in commitment to the religion, lack of piety, corruption of manhood and the decrease of praiseworthy jealousy. You will never find an adulterer or fornicator who is pious, fulfills his promises, is truthful in his speech, maintains a friendship or has jealousy over his wife; he will be characterized by lies, deception, betrayal, accepting prohibitions and not being mindful of Allah.”

All these characteristics are consequences of fornication and adultery.

1. Incurring the wrath of Allah The Almighty.

Naturally, Allah has ordered us in holy Quran to stay away from it and one who doesn’t will be punished.

2. Poverty and gloominess of the face, which will be apparent topeople. 

A fornicator will have no Noor on his face. He will face hardships in this life and hereafter if he doesn’t repent. He will be in constant anxiety and his gloominess and sadness will be apparent from his face.

3. Becoming Insignificant.

Sex before Marriage
Sex before Marriage

A person becomes insignificant in the eyes of Allah and in the eyes of people as well. Allah will degrade his situation to worse. It can lead to murder.

Yes, illegal and illicit relations often lead to unwanted pregnancies and therefore abortions. An abortion is a crime and a sin. It is a murder of a soul that has no fault in the sins of a person.

4. Divorce rates are increased.

When a person is in the deep sin of Zina, he/she doesn’t derive pleasure in Halaal relation with his spouse and hence the rates of divorce are increased.

5. It steals Barakah from your earnings.

With Zina, a person spends on unlawful things and contributes to facilitating the activities of Zina. As such the blessings of Allah are removed from his earnings.

6. Worldly Punishment according to shariah.

Sex before marriage is Zina
Sex before marriage, STOP!

Allah The Almighty commanded His Messenger sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ) to take a pledge from women who entered Islam to refrain from fornication and adultery. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {“O Prophet! When believing women come to you to give you the Bai`ah (pledge), that they will not associate anything in worship with Allah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit illegal sexual intercourse, that they will not kill their children… then accept their pledge.”} [Quran, 60: 12]

Allah The Almighty made the punishment for these sins vary from lashing to stoning to death, along with the humiliation which results from informing the community of the perpetrators of this sin. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {“The fornicatress and the fornicator, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day.

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And let a party of the believers witness their punishment. [This is for unmarried persons, but if married, the punishment is to stone them to death].”} [Quran, 24: 2]

The Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention) set the penalty for adultery and fornication as follows: “If the parties (committing fornication) are unmarried, they should receive a hundred lashes and be put into exile for a year. If they commit adultery after they are married, they should receive a hundred lashes and then be stoned to death.” [Muslim]

7. Punishment of Grave.

Those who commit Zina are severely punished in their grave as well. In a very long hadith, Allah’s Messenger relates a dream in which he saw how a number of sinners are being punished in the intermediate life of al-Barzakh (life in the grave). Samurah bin Jundub reported that one morning Allah’s Messenger said: “Last night two men came to me (in a dream) and said, “Come with us.”

Sex before marriage leads to Hell Fire.
Sex before marriage leads to Hell Fire.

I went with them to a sacred land … We proceeded until we came upon a hole in the ground that resembled a baking pit, narrow at the top and wide at the bottom. Babbling and voices were issuing from it. We looked in and saw naked men and women. Ünderneath the pit was a raging fire; whenever it flared up, they screamed and rose with it until they almost fell out of the pit.

As it subsided, they returned (to the bottom). I said, “Who are these?” They said, “Come along!” … I said, “Since the beginning of this night, you have taken me to different places, and I have seen amazing things! What is all this that I saw?” They said, “We will now tell you … As for the naked men and women who were in the pit, they are men and women who indulge in zina … And I am Jibreel, and this is Meka’eel…”

May Allah Protect us.

LIFE WON’T GIVE SECOND CHANCE

LIFE WON’T GIVE SECOND CHANCE.

When you are blessed with your husband or treat him like a king, treat your wife like a Queen (life won’t give second chance). Life won’t give you chance to get back your wife, or your husband. Think before you do. It takes sincere effort from both side equally. A one sided relationship never survives.

It was their anniversary, and Aisha was waiting for her husband Ahmed to show up.

  • Things had changed since their marriage, the once cute couple couldn’t-live-without-each-other had turned bitter.
life won't give second chance to you
Life won’t give second chance
  • Fighting over every little things, both didn’t like the way things had changed.
  • Aisha was waiting to see if Ahmed remembered it was their anniversary!
  • Just as the door bell rang she ran to find her husband wet and smiling with a bunch of flowers in his hand.
  • The two started re-living the old days. Sharing old beautiful memories. And it was raining outside! It was perfect.
life won't give second chance to you
Life won’t give second chance
  • But the moment paused when the phone in the bedroom rang.
  • Aisha went to pick it up and it was a man. “Hello ma’am I’m calling from the police station. Is this Mr Ahmed Hasan’s number?” “Yes it is!”
  • “I’m sorry ma’am; but there was an accident and a man died.
  • We got this number from his wallet; we need you to come and identify his body.”
  • Aisha’s heart sank.!!! She was shocked!
  • But my husband is here with me?”
  • “Sorry ma’am, but the incident took place at 2 pm, when he was boarding the train.”
  • Aisha was about to lose her conscience.
  • How could this happen??
  • She ran into the other room.
  • He was not there. It was true! He had left her for good!!
  • She rolled on the floor in pain. She lost her chance Forever!
  • Suddenly there was a noise from the bathroom, the door opened and Ahmed came out and said “Darling, I forgot to tell you my wallet got stolen today”.
Life won't give second chance to you
Life won’t give second chance
  • LIFE MIGHT NOT GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE. SO NEVER WASTE A MOMENT WHEN YOU CAN STILL MAKE UP FOR YOUR WRONGS!!!
  • So for Allaah’s sake let’s start making amendments…
  • To parents
  • To siblings
  • To friends
  • And many more other relationships..

No one is promised tomorrow. Have a wonderful Life with no regrets! (life won’t give second chance).

I want a husband/wife who will get mad at me when I miss a prayer.
I want a husband/wife who will pour cold water on me when I don’t get up for Fajr Salah.

I want a husband/wife who will draw me closer to Allah, who will get upset when I lie, cheat and do bad things and anything wrong.
I want a husband/wife who will call me after every Maghrib Salah to read Qur’an together.

I want a husband/wife who will wake me up in the middle of the night for us to pray together and ask forgiveness from Allah.
In’ Shaa’ Allah… Ameen.

WHY IS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE FORBIDDEN DURING MENSTRUATION

MENSTRUATION:

Praise be to Allah.

Allah has forbidden men to have sexual intercourse with their wives during Menstruation.

Allah says in Glorious Quran:

“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses” [al-Baqarah 2:222]

From the above verse, it is clearly forbidden by Allah to do it and He, subhana-wa-taala has told us that it is harmful to both men and women.

Science has revealed some of the harms that are disclosed in this verse but they have not fully managed to describe all of them. In this article, we will try to discuss some of those.

No Sex in Menstruation
Forbidden in Menstruation

Having intercourse with a menstruating woman must be avoided because it results in an increase in the flow of menstrual blood as the veins of the uterus are congested and prone to rupture. Hence, they get damaged easily and may result in injury. The walls of the vagina are also susceptible to injury so the likelihood of inflammation is increased. Also, mans penis can also be inflamed due to irritation caused during intercourse.

Having intercourse during menstruating is also off-putting to both the man and the woman because of the presence of blood and its smell. It may make a person uninterested in sex.

Dr. Muhammad al-Baar said, “speaking of the harm that may be caused to the menstruating woman: The lining of the uterus is shed during menstruation, and the uterus is scarred as a result, just like when the skin is flayed. So it is vulnerable to bacteria and the introduction of the bacteria that are to be found at the tip of the penis poses a great danger to the uterus.”

Hence we can conclude that the penetration of the penis into the vagina at the time of menstruation is the induction of germs at the time when the body is unable to fight them off.

 

Some doctors also believe that harm is not limited to the uterus and sexual organs but may be spread to other organs as well.

Intercourse is Forbidden During Menstruation
Intercourse is Forbidden During Menstruation

1. The spread of infection to the fallopian tubes, which may then become blocked, which in turn may lead to infertility or ectopic pregnancy, which is the most dangerous kind of pregnancy.

2. Infection may be spread to the urethra, bladder, and kidneys; Diseases of the urinary tract are serious and chronic in many cases.

3. An increase of germs in the menstrual blood, especially gonorrhea germs.

4. It may cause immense pain in the pelvic region in women as menstruation is accompanied by pains, the severity of which varies from one woman to another.

5. Many women suffer depression and stress during menstruation and intercourse may cause an increase in it.

6. Women’s sexual desire decreases and many women have no interest at all in sex during their periods. The entire reproductive system is in a state that is akin to sickness, so intercourse at this time is not natural and serves no purpose, rather it can cause a great deal of harm.

It is not the only woman who is affected by this rather men may also be affected by this action.

It may cause infection which may result in sterility in men. The severe pains suffered as a result of this infection may be even worse than the sterility it causes.

Stop intercourse in menstruation
Stop intercourse in menstruation

And there are many other harmful effects, some of which have not yet been discovered, but Allaah has referred to them when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and have taken a bath)”

[al-Baqarah 2:222]

Allaah has described it as adha, a harmful thing both for the wife and for the husband, and other harmful effects about which Allaah knows best.

Thus it becomes clear that the prohibition on intercourse at the time of menstruation is not just because of the blood, rather it is for many reasons as stated above.

However, it is permissible for a man to be intimate with his wife, without having intercourse (at the time of menstruation).

And Allah knows best.

SPOUSE : Secrets of your Spouse

Spouse Secrets :

1. To Marry :

Spouse: Women looks Future of Men, but Men looks Past of Women.

2. Love :

Women Likes Quality of Love, but Men likes Quantity of Love.

3. Search :

spouse
Spouse

Mostly Women Search for Character of Men. So its easier for her to forgive him but difficult to forget him, Whereas Mostly Men Likes Beauty of Women so if he find better one he can forget her but if she makes any mistake to him its difficult to forgive her.


Here are some tips to maintain a healthy relation with your spouse :

Ways To Keep Your Wife’s Love :

1. Make her feel secure and sakinah – don’t threaten her with divorce.

2. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.

3. Be a good listener.

4. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear.

5. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.

6. Sit down and eat meals together.

7. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.

8. Don’t leave home in anger.

Ways to Keep Your Husband’s Love :

spouse 3
Spouse

1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn’t want a man for his wife.

2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.

3. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.

4. Don’t keep asking him, “what are you thinking?”

5. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.

6. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.

spouse 1
Spouse

7. If he’s angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you’re quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he’s calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.

8. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

9. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him.

10. Don’t EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don’t say, “well her husband doesn’t do that, why do you” (thats a killer!)

11. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.

May ALLAH preserve all of our marriages and help us understand and implement them in and with the best of manners, Ameen!

MARRIAGE AFTER HARAM RELATION WITH NO ZINA (SEXUAL INTERCOURSE)

ZINA

HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ALLAH TO BLESS YOUR  MARRIAGE 

WHEN YOUR WEDDING IS FULL OF  DISOBEDIENCE TO HIM?  

All Praise be to Allah, the lord of the Heavens and Earth.

 Firstly: 

Any form of relationship between man and a woman, which is called and the unlawful and illicit relation is Haraam. It doesn’t matter if it goes as far as being intimate (Zina) which is indeed most hated, reprehensible and abhorrent type of a sin. It poses a great danger to individuals religious commitment and faith, or it is less than that, such as looking, touching or kissing. All of that is haraam and these are types of Zina in the general sense and are things that lead to the greater immoral action.

 Secondly: 

If the marriage takes place after a haraam relationship between a man and woman, then one of the following scenarios must apply:

 1. Either that marriage comes after an illegitimate sexual relationship, in which case the marriage is not valid except on the condition that both the man and woman repent from Zina and it be established that the woman is not pregnant as a result of the haraam relationship, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The adulterer/fornicator marries not but an adulteress/fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress/fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer/fornication or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer/fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer/fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism)” [al-Noor 24:3].

2. That marriage comes from a haraam relationship, but the relationship did not go as far as Zina, such as kissing, touching and other haraam actions that are less serious than Zina. In this case, the marriage is valid because it cannot be said of those who fell into this haraam relationship that they committed Zina. 

And Allah knows best.

Daughters/Women are so special that when a male marries a female, he is reminded constantly that who you have married is the special child of someone, dear to someone, so we tell the husband’s that when you look at your wife don’t just at her as your wife, that’s not the only title she has, she had a title before that which was dearer and more valuable, what was it?

She’s the daughter of so-and-so she also has her own family that loves her and respects her, so do not disrespect her, do not abuse her, like they say don’t make her cry.

You know when my wife cries I always tell her I’m supposed to, I’m not supposed to allow you to cry, she says: ”I cry out of joy mashAllah” okay that’s good, that’s a good sign so if you’re crying out of joy and happiness Alhamdulillah but if you’re crying out of you sadness, you know you’re stuck, there is no way forward, Wallahi Allah has heard the cry of a wife/women and a daughter.

If you take a look at Surat Al Mujadilah named after a woman who came through in order to present her case to Muhammad (PBUH) where the husband became disinterested in her, read to this and i shall I will end on this note.

I tell you very interestingly there was a woman known as Khawla Bint Tha’laba (RA) so what happened to her, she was married and Masha Allah you know, a pretty beautiful woman, next thing expecting she has a child and when you have a child what happens?

Subhan Allah people forget that you’ve now born children, you’ve graduated into a new level of motherhood now and so on, you will not be the same girl you used to be 20 years back, things have to change perhaps you may change in so many ways you become wiser and perhaps you may even become a little bit heavier, (may Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala grant us ease), she complained because her husband started losing interest or showed disinterest, he was not interested and he started saying whenever she was trying to get him, get his attention, he would say you just like my mother man, it’s okay you know you just like a mother, you just like my sister and so on she went to Muhammad (pbuh) crying weeping complaining what do I do?

This man is saying this to me, he refuses to touch me and at the same time he is the one who impregnated me, he gave me the children, he is the one who did this. When I married him I was in tip-top shape and so on. My dear brothers and sisters read carefully i want to tell you that that does not mean that when you have given birth, you should just lose yourself, no, go back, you will be able to retain a lot if you work on it may (Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’ala help us) whether they are sit-ups, leg ups whatever you want to call them they work, trust me they actually work, dedicatedly so don’t use a Hadith in order for you to throw yourself.

You know to the side, no! work on it you will feel good by the will of Allah like I said do it for the right reasons going back to this narration, so as she is complaining do you know what happened! The Prophet (PBUH) obviously it’s a difficult situation, what do you say? you need to convince the man, so verses were revealed: indeed Allah has heard the argument of the woman who has come to you complaining to Allah, Allah has heard it (the cry)  and then he gives the response and it’s a long set of verses where Allah speaks of the punishment of those who say those type of statements and how special and important the woman is, you don’t say these words (Masha Allah).

May Allah help us to make the correct decisions in life (Ameen)

STUFF SISTERS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT NIKAH NAMA (MARRIAGE CONTRACT)

All praise be to Allah.
One of the most important things in life is Nikah yet Nikah Nama (Marriage contract) is one of those things that we never pay much attention to. It is something that all couples must read before entering this sacred relation.

In today’s modern world where much hype is given to women’s rights and gender equality in society, many people fail to give a little thought to the marriage contract, especially our sisters. It is not considered important enough. My dear beloved sisters why don’t you struggle to find your rights in your Nikah Nama?

The reason is we never try to read all rights of woman in Nikah Nama (Marriage Contract) and other’s take advantage of it and cancel all the rights in Nikah Nama without her permission. Islam gave huge respect and rights to a woman for her protection in all era. Then we should research on the rights of woman. So here are some rights that are written in the Nikah Nama:

1. Your husband has no right over your earned money. It is up to the wife, if she wishes, she can spend it on house or other things. But if she doesn’t then the husband cannot force her.

2. A husband not only has to provide for the household but also meet the expenses of wife’s personal use. And this is mentioned in Nikah Nama.

3. A wife can demand money for breastfeeding a child and Islam gives her this permission.

4. After marriage, consent of both the partners is necessary for intimacy. If the wife is not ready, the husband cannot force it. Forced intimacy is considered as marital rape and a wife can sue her husband for that in an Islamic court.

5. A husband has no right over his wife’s heritage. It is not obligatory for the wife to give anything of her heritage to her husband. If she wishes, she may.

6. It is the husband who has to spend on the marriage ceremony according to his capacity. Neither the man’s family nor the woman but the Man himself.

7. There is no dowry in Islam but a husband has to pay Mahr to his wife which is agreed by both the parties.

Islam teaches us about simple marriage.

It’s very sensitive matter to resolve. We should be aware of each and every content of Nikah Nama. It’s not about to just sign Nikah documents. There are also many other rights in Marriage Contract that every woman and man should know before marriage.

WHAT DOES ISLAM SAY ABOUT FORCED AND SECRET MARRIAGE


In the name of Allah, the most compassionate, the most merciful.

Allah has created the bond of marriage as the most sacred bond between a man and a woman. Marriage makes it possible and permissible for them to enjoy each other. Allah has described this bond as:

And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)

Marriage is also an important part of the Sunnah. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “The Nikah is my Sunnah (way), whosoever leaves my Sunnah is not from amongst me” (Kitabus Sunan – Mishkat)

The Prophet of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has also said as narrated by Ibn Masud (May Allah be pleased with him)

“Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at nonpermissible females and protects you from immorality. However, those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Regardless, we find in today’s world that there are marriages that are totally improper and unfair and also makes ones life miserable.  These marriages are either forced or arranged against a person’s will. Islam does not support in any way a marriage where either the man or woman is unhappy with the setup.

Forced Marriages

The first thing we must know that Islam does not approve of any sort of Forced marriage. It is not valid and is haraam. We must understand that love and compatibility must be ensured by both the parties. However, we must know that The issue of forced marriage is not only a Muslim problem but can occur in any community. It is, unfortunately, happening in our society even today and Islam highly condemns it. The approval of both the parties is must to form a marriage contract.

Islam regards the marriage as the right of an individual and therefore others cannot force them into something that they do not want in their life. No one can make a decision on their behalf, and if one happens to do that, he is answerable on the day of judgment, to Allah. No one has the right to put the person’s life into miseries, no matter what the reasons are. Allah has given all the Human Beings the power to decide for themselves and this is one matter where he/she has to decide for himself/herself.

 If a woman/man is forced into marriage then the marriage would not be valid and would, therefore, need to be canceled. However, daughters and sons should also recognize the rights of their parents and come to an agreed solution before the marriage takes place.

If this does not happen then those who forced the marriage and those who allowed it is both guilty and has committed a major sin. The following incident clarifies the position of forced marriages in Islam;

Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said, “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”

He said, “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)

At first, The Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked her to obey her father as the concern of a father is the well being of his daughter. He advised her to follow her fathers decision and make peace among families but when he (peace be upon him ) realize that she did not want this marriage and this marriage was forced upon her, he nullified it and gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into unwanted marriage.

After hearing this she clearly mentioned to Prophet (Peace be upon him) that she does not want to cancel the marriage but wanted people to know that no father can force his daughter into a marriage that she did not want.

however, it must be noted that just like a parent does not have the right to force his child into marriage, the child too is not allowed to marry anyone by disobeying his/her parents. There is no place for disobedience to one’s parents in Islam.

Secret Marriages

Let’s try to define secret marriages first. “Any marriage contract taking place between  a man and a woman without the knowledge of the parents of one or both the individuals, marriage was done without the consent of the parents, marriage, about which no one is aware.”

Secret marriages are highly disliked in Islam and are considered as haraam if one goes against the will of the parents. 

The reason for this is that it means that those who are responsible for them are not advised of it and the couple will go against their parents by doing so. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has clearly stressed that the will of the father is the will of Allah (Bukhari) also how important it is to obtain the dua of one’s parents.

We recognize that some parents need to be advised and talked about the issue regarding marriage, this should be done by asking relatives or local Imaam’s to intervene. If one’s parents are not agreeing than try to convince them. Parents must also note that they must not be so strict regarding such issues and push their children to take extreme steps.

Create an atmosphere of love and respect for you. Remember your children are humans too and have emotions as well as feelings. Getting hard on them and leading them to sin of disobedience is also a great sin. Children may also note that they understand the reason behind the parent’s advice and give those a thought.

It is, however, the duty of both, parents and children to try to maintain peace and love in the family and protect one another from the wrath of Allah and destruction. Insha Allah, a marriage can only ever obtain spiritual comfort if the dua of one’s mother and father is with them.

Whilst the secret marriage may be valid it does not mean it is right and blessed.

May Allah give us the ability to understand the sacred concept of marriage and the Islamic approach towards it.

STOP MAKING MARRIAGE DIFFICULT

One of the many issues that we face in our current times is the issue of marriage especially you know being a young guy or a young girl trying to get married it’s almost become a mission impossible and I really wanted to speak out in specific to my brothers and my father’s in regards to our daughters and our sisters.

My brothers we have a serious responsibility when it comes to our sisters. you know it’s not just to feed them and to shelter them and to look out for them but rather we have a responsibility to play an active role in getting them married.

I mean our daughters and our sisters are not pieces of furniture that sit at home, you know our sisters are now 20, 25, 30 years old still at home unmarried because you and I are not playing an active role in making the marriage easy for them. I’m not speaking about the sister that wants to remain single but how many of our sisters want to get married, they actually desire to be with someone and we’ve become an obstacle.

Wallahi My brothers and I’m being very honest and blunt. Our women feel unappreciated and they most certainly feel unloved. When was the last time you as a father, when was the last time you sat down with your daughter and smiled at her and told her how beautiful she is, how pretty her smile is, when was the last time you took her out to a cafe and made her feel involved in her life. When was the last time you reassured your daughter that when she grows up you’re gonna find her the best husband in the world.

At 20, 30 you’re not speaking about marriage, she’s obviously not married and no one’s knocking on the door and no one is saying anything, it’s like the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about, everyone can see it but God forbid anyone should talk about it so my brother’s and my father’s we need to play a more active role, we need to show love and compassion towards our daughters.

You need to show them that love, you need to smile at them, you need to reassure them every now and then that ”hey I haven’t forgotten about you”

The other issue is that when someone does come to ask for your daughter’s hand don’t make it mission impossible. My brothers and sisters you know we need to stop living in la-la land, we really need to take our heads out of the sand and understand the environment that we’re living in.

Zina has become so easy and abundant, it is so easy to fornicate nowadays and marriage has become near impossible and again it’s against the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw), we claim that it’s Deen, Deen, Deen but it’s the furthest from it.

Look at the advice of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw): He says ”if a man comes to you and he has religion coupled with manners then marry your daughters to him” why did the prophet of Allah say religion coupled with manners? because the fruits of religion is manners so when someone comes to you who’s god-fearing, he prays, he fasts, he does what Allah asks him, coupled with manners and he has Adhab & Akhlaq, he is polite, he is patient, he is forgiving, he is loving marry your daughter’s to this person and don’t make it difficult and if you do then you open a door a Fitnah.

How many times have I seen young brothers who are beautiful, you know very good brothers that have a lot of potential and possess all of these qualities but because he doesn’t drive a brand new car, because he doesn’t own a house, because he doesn’t have a business that’s making thousands of dollars a week, he’s rejected and this causes Fitnah.

Please I’m urging every brother and every father and mother to start playing a more active role when it comes to your these things, lets start making marriage easy. I hope I have inspired or I have instigated at least this wanting to do good and to spreading Khair.

Copyright © 2018-2019, islam peace

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