SPICE UP YOUR MARRIED LIFE

Marriage is a sacred bond, a Sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad(saw) and the way of attaining the pleasure of Allah.

Married Life:

When everything is new, it is easy to remain enthusiastic, but the reality is that somehow along the way in that journey, many people lose sight of the beauty in a good marriage and fall into negative patterns. A marital bond is something that is meant to be cultivated and grown with efforts from both husband as well as a wife. Whether you are just beginning your married life or are into it for quite some time. Add value to your bond and relation. Here are some tips to spice up your beautiful journey.

1.   Set aside time for your spouse (Married Life)

Aisha (RA) reported that she was with Allah’s messenger during a journey. She said, “I was not bulky”. He told his companions to move forward and they did. He then told me: “Come and race me”. I raced him on foot and I beat him. But, on another journey, when I became bulky, he asked me to race him. I raced him and he beat me. He started laughing and said: “This makes up for that beating”.

The greatest gift that you can give your spouse in a marriage is endless your time. Of course, we have work and daily chores that need to be fulfilled but not giving your spouse the proper time that they deserve is being unjust towards them. How can one expect a beautiful understanding and strong bond with another person if he/she doesn’t spend time with his/her spouse?

It is this primary bond that will build the foundation of the family, so it has to be nurtured. Take drives, go out on walks, and even sit back at the end of the evening with a cup of tea or coffee to have a meaningful conversation.

married life

2. Express your love through gratitude

“And of His signs is that He has created spouses for yourselves from your own selves so you might take comfort in them and He has created love and mercy among both of you. In this, there is evidence (of the truth) for the people who (carefully) think.” (Surah 30, Verse 21).

Love and mercy should be the hallmarks of any solid marriage and relationship. We see that it is stipulated in the scriptures. But is this truly what is practiced in modern daily life?

One must never take another person for granted. We all have our emotional needs. Certain actions of kindness and love work a great deal. Also, a nice little gesture or word indicating your love towards your spouse is great. That extra snack that your wife packs into your lunchbox or when your husband agrees to take the children away so that you can have time at your Mum’s place, can all seem mandatory and expected.

3.   Make an effort

Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās Radi Allahu anhu said: “As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself with her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because of Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” (Qur῾ān2:228.)[11]

Our spouses have the right to see us in good shape and hygiene. Always remember that your spouse is a deserving recipient of your best. Marriage can be a complex situation at times, but there are still basic principles of a man and woman and attraction at play in a husband and wife relationship in Islam and an effort made in this department can help strengthen the marital bond.

A good scent, a clean body, good dress, and some makeup and accessories for the ladies all communicate to your spouse that you have a positive attitude about yourself and that you respect your marriage enough to make the effort. Men must also make the effort to be well-groomed to the best of their ability.

married life

4.   Do fun, halaal activities together

The Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) stated, “Allah is pleased when a husband plays with his wife, due to this he fixes Sawaab (good reward) for them or he establishes halal rizq (lawful sustenance) for them.” (Al-Ifsah Ibn Hajr Haithami)

From an Islamic perspective, marriage is treated with the utmost solemnity. However, this does not mean that fun within the marriage context should not be had.

As much as marriage can fall into a routine, it is important that as a couple you two retain the identity of man and wife. Before the two of you may have become mum and dad, you were both each other’s sweethearts and it is important to retain that identity and grow the love that exists there. Play games, eat out at your favorite restaurants and get the heart rate up with some fun adrenaline -filled sport. Create a buzz that you will remember and talk about for years to come.

married life

5.   Be thoughtful, kind and give gifts (Married Life)

“Be kind towards your women. Take heed! You have rights over your women and your women also have rights over you. Their rights over you are that you provide food and clothing for them in good faith. Your rights over them are that they do not allow and nor do they give permission, for people to trespass into your house whose presence you dislike.” 

There is an understanding from this Hadith and the essence of that understanding is that there are rights and responsibilities that exist between men and women. A man must take the helm as a provider, but equally, a woman needs to close ranks and protect the home from any presence that may threaten it.

Get him or her, their favorite attar or book they would like to read. Contrary to what it may seem like, these are not necessarily material expressions of love. What it does convey, is that you took the time to observe and listen to your partner’s needs and found ways to meet them, which is in itself an ideal way to endear yourself to your partner.

married life

6.   Communicate with each other regarding feelings (Married Life)

The Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) said, “I severely dislike that woman who puts her cloak on and leaves the home in order to complain about her husband.” (Tabrani, Haithami)

If indeed your marriage has come to the point, where you feel that you need to go outside of the home to vent and complain about your spouse, perhaps it might be time to re-examine your methods of communication. Consider taking the time to discuss feelings and emotions. Both men and women are different in the ways in which they feel and interpret behavior. Make sure conversations are constructive, rather than destructive.

Speak from a place of building rather than breaking down. As husband and wife in Islam, you should always speak about how you feel and don’t just express displeasure but also speak of your joys and successes. If you are displeased with something about your spouse, converse with him/her in most polite and humble way. If your spouse is upset with you try to bring joy and fix the problem without being stubborn.

married life

7.   Take responsibility for the energy you bring to the table

Narrated AbuHurayrah: When the Prophet (peace be upon him) congratulated a man on his marriage, he said: May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good (works).

Sunan of Abu Dawood – Book 11 Hadith 2125

From this narration of hadith, it is evident that each partner needs to take responsibility for the attitude and the actions that they bring to the table in married life. The good works referred to isn’t necessarily a reference just to actions and deeds, but also to act in good faith and good spirit toward one another.

Married Life :

8.   Be positive and spontaneous

“The most perfect believer in faith is the one whose character is finest and who is kindest to his wife.” Hadith

Love and marriage thrive under positive action. Take that leave that you’ve been putting off. For just one evening of the week, skip the gym and get home a little earlier to your wife. Ladies, meet your husband in the middle of a workday for a lunch date. Most importantly speak to your spouse in the quiet times about acts of spontaneity that would add value to their lives. Then make it a part of the marriage ‘bucket-list’ to go about adding those highlights to their lives.

married life

9. Remember the good times and protect each other

“They (your wives) are a clothing (covering) for you and you too are a clothing (covering) for them.” (Surah 2, Verse 187)

Marriage is the ultimate act of teamwork. With this in mind, protect your partner, speak positivity into their life. Remember that you are not just a marital partner, but the other half of a winning team (married life). Inshallah, your marriage is a growing asset and foundation upon which you will raise wonderful children and fulfill the goals of half of your deen.

10. Allow your spouse to be themselves (Married Life)

Narrated by Thawban: When (the wahi) “And those who hoard gold and silver” came down they were with the Prophet (sall Allahu alaihi wa sallam) on one of his journeys. One of his companions said, “It has come down about gold and silver. Would that we knew which property is best so that we might acquire it!” He replied, “The best property is a tongue which mentions Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife who helps a man with his faith.”

Ahmad, Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah transmitted it.

[Al-Tirmidhi – Hadith 2275]

Accept your spouse for who they are. Be present in the relationship and the marriage that you have built.  Simply put, what this means is accepting your spouse and allowing them the space to be themselves. Too often in marriages, one or the other spouse tends to dominate, scold or belittle the other in front of guests and the children just to keep up appearances. Such behavior places a damper on the spirit of the marriage.

Yes, there may be aspects in the other that cause you irritation, but the truth is that variety is the spice of life.

If you really have a problem with the way your husband slurps his soup or if you find your wife’s laughter to be a little too high-pitched at a social gathering, quietly and lovingly address such issues away from the public eye. Remember that the purpose of a journey in marriage is to grow together and part of that is allowing your loved one to be true to who they are.

May Allah bless us all.

MARRYING MR. RIGHT IN WRONG WAY TOWN

Marrying Mr. Right

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, THE MOST GRACIOUS, THE MOST MERCIFUL

Marriages are made in heaven, but the wedding ceremony takes place on earth … and at times, besides the Mehr-e-Fatimi, there is nothing heavenly about it. (Marrying Mr. Right in wrong way town)

Many thousands of years ago, long before this earth was even created, when the pen of destiny was writing in the skies, the sweetest thing happened: the name of your sweetheart was placed next to yours.

Special consideration was taken in this sacred union by the Almighty Himself.

mr. right
Marrying Mr. Right

It was to be blessed with happiness and prosperity. But sadly on our part on earth, the way some of us conduct our wedding ceremonies nowadays, it seems that everyone but the Almighty, that loving Being responsible for our happiness, is relevant and needs to be obeyed and pleased.

Our ideas of having a modern un-Islamic and fancy wedding starts many years before we even find our better half. These crazy wedding fantasies are mostly obtained from romance novels, movies, sitcoms, fashion magazines and ofcourse, the bad example set by others in our own family and community.

We have all read about the simplicity of our Noble Prophet Muhammad (May peace be upon him) and how his daughters got married, but there is always a big BUT to it:

“We know its sunnat to be simple, BUT we can’t exclude anyone from the invitation list.” “It’s our first daughter’s wedding and we know it has to be simple, BUT we can’t break her heart.”

The best justification yet for abandoning the blessed Prophetic way is this:

“Our neighbor got married last year and although they are only working class, they invited 1000 people. Must we now keep it simple and show they are richer than us? We are not cheapskates! Let’s show them and invite 2000 people.”

Mr. Right
Marrying Mr. Right

No one can plead ignorance as to how the ideal Islamic marriage is to be conducted nowadays, but somehow everyone seems to forget this when their daughter starts weeping or when the neighbours may comment how stingy one is for not making the send off of their child a most memorable one.

We seem to be more worried of the opinion of people and our status in society than the pleasure of the Almighty. For this disobedience, we are punished in various ways without even realizing it.

Let us now see what’s wrong with our wedding functions nowadays.

Besides the mandatory Nikah ceremony which is usually held in the Masjid, and the Waleemah (nuptial feast), it must be known that nothing else is really prescribed in Islam.

But Islam is only meant for the books nowadays, so many couples unofficially marry their sweethearts over facebook or by dating a few months or years before the official marriage ceremony.

When they do decide to tie the knot, they call upon the friendly community Shaikh or Imam to solemnize their Nikah in a Masjid. Sometimes, a special Shaikh is flown in from overseas to add to the status of the marriage. At times, the blessed environment of the Masjid is left out and the Nikah is solemnized in the hall.

The Shaikh or the Imam is only there to legalize the contract, and to make sure he turns a blind eye to all the wrong going on around him. The serious lecture on the rights of husband and wife in the Masjid is replaced by gags and giggles by a humorous MC in the hall, and the sacred atmosphere is very soon turned to one of merry-making and fun.

Sometimes, the Imam is even used as a rubber stamp to sanction all the evil that takes place at these gatherings; and after the white envelope is safely tucked away in his pocket, he will even pose for a photoshoot!

Yes, we have taken our religion for granted.

mr. right
Marrying Mr. Right in wrong way town

And this is why on the day when we are supposed to be pleasing the Almighty the most, we anger Him the most. We pay the price for this many years thereafter without even knowing it.

Some marriages end in messy divorces a short while thereafter, some couples have endless financial, in-laws, addiction, extra-marital or family issues, whilst others go through so much depression and anxiety in their marriage that they wish they could turn the clock back and would’ve never married.

Let’s not be foolish and destroy our future lives for one day of pleasure. Do it right so the rest of your life can go right.

There is no mehndi night, belly dancing night, meethu mauru (sweetmeat) night, or bachelor night. There are no lavish meals a week or two before the nikah ceremony, and late nights of gossiping and smoking. Yes, family and friends are welcome to visit and create an atmosphere of joy, but there is no elaborate occasion for this.

In fact, the custom of delaying the wedding for many months after the proposal is also un-Islamic as Islam teaches us to marry as soon as a suitable partner is found. About a month is a reasonable time to prepare, not ten to twenty months! The more the marriage is delayed, the more attention the families will pay to shopping and planning a lavish wedding.

It will also give more time for mischief makers to dig up the past of the future couple and start spreading rumors, which sometimes lead to the breakup of the couple or delaying it for several years.

The couple should separately attend marriage classes before their wedding, and register for various workshops offered in this regard.

Authentic literature can also be studied so that the couple makes a mental adjustment of what is expected of them after the Nikah. For boys in particular, your ten fishing buddies will be replaced by one killer mermaid, so prepare for it. Also remember that the ring band given at the time of engagement is no license to see each other or go out together before the Nikah.

There will be ample time for that afterwards.

Now comes the big day. Keep it simple.

Our most noble Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told us that the wedding in which the least amount of expenditure is incurred, will have the most blessings.

He (peace be upon him) also told us that the function to which the poor is not invited, is cursed. So, let us compete in earning the pleasure of the Almighty, and not by competing with the Jone’s. Never take a loan for a wedding. Islam doesn’t place such a burden on one’s shoulder. There is simply no need to pitch up at the hall in a hot-air balloon or in your distant cousin’s yellow Ferrari. No need to walk down the aisle with a R40 000- gown which you will never wear thereafter, to the accompaniment of haraam music.

There is no need for a five-course meal, photoshoots and making elaborate videos of the day for which half the people don’t end up paying.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town


The function can be held in a humble tent or a Masjid or community hall – there is no need to hire out halls for as much as R50 000- per day when Muslims around the world are starving or fleeing for their lives from war-torn areas.

But extravagance is not the only issue at weddings. The show of outfits, intermingling of men and women and the mountains of makeup is even worse.

Many guests dress up as if they are getting married on the day, and some women apply so much make-up that a skyscraper can be built on their face! For them, scarves are meant for the shoulders, not the heads! Some brides and grooms tend to be religious in their daily lives, but on the wedding day they throw caution to the wind.

It’s also observed that some functions do have a partition to separate the ladies and the men, but as soon as the biryani is served, the floor crossing starts.

This is called yo-yo partition – up down, up down! The competition peaks when the designer gifts, or kunchas, are displayed for all to see in the hall or in the bride’s home.

Some gifts will have money made in the shape of trees, some will have expensive watches and exotic jewelry, some fruity perfumes and the latest outfits, whilst others will have grape juice in wine-shaped bottles and Swiss chocolates. It’s such shows of ostentation that invites burglars to break into one’s home on the wedding day.

The above are just a few of our crimes committed on the wedding day.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town


Apart from these crimes, we have the bad habit of arriving late as per “Indian Time” (two hours late) or according to “Arab Time” (five hours late).

Never mind the cook, the children and the elderly, as well as the sickly and diabetics are greatly inconvenienced by this. Those who need to travel a great distance to return home or those who do not want to miss their Fajr prayers are also pained. Let us take heed of these factors and change our ways.

For those who had a wedding reception in which some or all the above crimes were committed, there is a way out. Repent sincerely to the Almighty; as expiation, make sure that the same mistakes are not committed when you get your children married one day. Take it upon yourself to advise family and friends to keep their weddings simple.

Read the life story of the Queen of Paradise, Sayyidah Fatima az-Zahra and the Pure Wives of the Prophet, and try to emulate their example of simplicity and piety. Above all, break the cycle by setting a good example.

Finally, remember that weddings last only a day, but a marriage lasts a lifetime.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town

Let’s put the same effort daily in our marriages as we put on our wedding day, and our lives will become heaven on earth.  Aameen

HOW TO BE ROMANTIC LIKE PROPHET MUHAMMAD (peace be upon him)

In the name of Allah, the most compassionate, the most merciful.

The word Muhabbat (love) is derived from the Arabic word “Hubb” which means seed; a seed that every human being has in heart. It is the function of heart just like vision is the function of the eyes. 
Love is the most beautiful feeling a human heart can experience. Allah subhana-wa-taala Himself has explained this emotion in Quran very beautifully and Prophet Muhammad (saw) was the most loving and romantic person in the whole world.

Allah subhana-wa-taala describes the person whom He loves in the most beautiful ways as :

– the Muhsineen [Those who do good (to others)]

– the Tawwabeen [Those who turn to rightfulness and recourse much to Him and His Guidance],

– the Mutahhareen [Those who keep their bodies free from filth, minds distant from dirty thoughts and conduct clean from unseemly acts],

– the Muttaqeen [Those who guard themselves against evil],

– the Sabireen [Those who  have the capacity to endure hardship],

– the Mutawakkileen [Those who put their trust in Allah and His Laws],

– the Muqsiteen [Those who act equitably and justly]

The love Humans hold for others is not as pure and grand like the love Allah holds for his slaves. A man loves the materials of this Duniya and among them, the most lovable are the persons’ spouse. And this relationship should be filled with immense love and respect. It is not a sin to be Romantic in Islam instead it is promoted and Prophet Muhammad (saw) himself exemplified it.

In many hadith and narrations of Aisha(RA) we can sum up how well Prophet (peace be upon him) was with his wives and especially Aasha(RA).

Here we compile some beautiful and romantic events from our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw) life and what we learn from those events.

---Prophet Muhammad Pbuh---
—Prophet Muhammad Pbuh—

1. Aisha and the Prophet Muhammad (saw) would use code language with each other denoting their love. She asked the Prophet (saw) how he would describe his love for her. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) answered, saying: “Like a strong binding knot.” The more you tug, the stronger it gets, in other words.

Every so often ‘Aisha would playfully ask, “How is the knot?” The Prophet (saw) would answer, “As strong as the first day (you asked).”

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This shows that a marriage need not be strict and boring in nature. One should promote healthy playfulness with honor and respect. A loving smile and sweet little secrets never hurt anyone. It is for my brothers and sisters in Islam to be very humble and caring with their spouses.

2. The Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasallam once said to Sayyidah Aisha Radi Allahu anha: “I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad (saw)” but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the God of Ibrahim”. She said: You are right, I don’t mention your name.”

Knowing the feelings and emotions of one’s spouse is very important. It helps a person a great deal when the situation is not good and also when there is discord. It helps to understand the other person better and be kind in the best possible way. A person should be sensitive towards his spouse’s feelings and not try to hurt them in indifference.

prophet muhammad

3. Once during a journey, Safiyyah – the wife of Allaah’s Messenger (may Allaah be pleased with her) was crying because she had been made to ride a slow camel. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) didn’t tell her she was being unreasonable. Instead, he wiped her tears, comforted her, and even tried to find her another camel for her.

Here we see that even though the reason for the distress of our mother Safiyyah(Ra) was not that grievous but the Prophet (saw) did not act indifferently or rudely or even laughed at it. He simply comforted his wife and tried to get her what she wanted. 

4. Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasallam would drink from the place where Aisha(Ra) would drink. If there was meat,  he(saw) would take the bite from the place where Aishas(Ra) lips had touched. Thus enjoying the union of spouses. How many of you do that?

5. The Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasallam said : If you spend an amount you will be rewarded for it, -even when you lift the morsel to your wife’s mouth.”

It simply means that your wives are your responsibilities and even a little goodness you do towards her is an act of ibadah and you will be rewarded for it. By this, your wife will feel security and love and comfort.

6. The Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasallam would call his wife ‘Humairā’’ out of love.  Linguistically it means the little reddish one, but the scholars state that in reality, it refers to someone who is so fair that due to the sun they get a reddish tan.  This was the reason why the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam called her Humairaa’.

Messenger would call his wife Aa’isha by the nickname ‘Aa’ish’ just to joke with her

It is beyond any doubt that Prophet Muhammad (saw) would call his wives with the most beautiful names. Doing so makes the bond stronger and places the seeds of great love among the hearts of spouses. Your spouse will love it and love you more. Isn’t that the love we all crave for?

7. Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās radiallahu anhu said: “As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself for her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because of Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” (Qur῾ān 2:228.)[11]

be like prophet muhammad pbuh

He (saw) would look good for his wives, it is reported that he (saw) would do miswaak after coming home so that no bad odor comes from him and wouldn’t repulse his wives from him. How many of us do that? We simply keep the ugliest of the pajamas to wear at homes and all the good clothing are kept for outside occasions!

8. Anas ibn Malik narrates, “I saw the Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), making for her (Safiya) a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him (on his camel). He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiya to put her foot on, in order to ride (on the camel).” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

What we learn from this is that our wives are not our maids but our better halves and must be treated like queens. If you are not to treat her like that then who would. Allah has chosen you to respect and treat her likewise and you ought to do so. Same applies with the women, they are responsible to make their husbands feel grand rather than someone with no importance. If our prophet didn’t shy away from treating his wives in a respectable and honorable manner than who are we to neglect it!

9. Aa’isha (may Allah be pleased with her) narrates in Sahih Al Bukhari V2/B 15/no.70]:

It was the day of ‘Id, and the Black people were playing with shields and spears, so either I requested the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) or he asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative. Then the Prophet (peace be upon him) made me stand behind him and my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, “Carry on! O Bani Arfida,” till I got tired.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked me, “Are you satisfied (Is that sufficient for you)?” I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave. 

It simply means respecting the wishes of one’s spouse and trying to fulfill them just to see them happy.

10. Once the prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) was sitting in a room with Aisha and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight was staring at him long enough for him to notice.

He said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.” 

The Prophet (sallaAllahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) asked, “What did he say?” She replied, “Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see.” 

So the Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, “Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more.”

Express your love! It is a human nature to want to be pampered and told how he is loved. Tell your spouse now! Tell them you love them. How long has it been that you didn’t express your love to your spouse? Tell them what they mean to you. Wallahi brothers and sisters this will uplift your relationship and add more romance and love in your lives. And yes little fewer differences.  

11. The Prophet Muhammad (salallahu alaihi wasallam) described the one who discloses his wife’s affairs to others as amongst the worst of people.

Do not ever speak about your wife’s/husbands private matters in public. It is between you two and is not something the whole world should know. And the little others know about your personal matters the better. You will find peace. Your wife is for you and you are for your wife, there should not be anyone in between.

12. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) under a single woolen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”

She said: And she told me that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.(Narrated by al-Bukhari, 316; Muslim, 296)

Your wife does need more love and care especially when she is menstruating or sick. You don’t separate and be indifferent towards her on those times rather make her feel comfortable and loved. Same applies to women, if your husband is sick, make him feel loved and comfortable. Take care of him and be dutiful towards him. Always keep smiling too.

There are numerous other events and narrations that shows us how beautifully our Prophet handled his relationship with his wives and being a Muslim we should follow his Sunnah in our relationships too. 

May Allah guide us and fill our lives with much love and romance. 

LIFE WON’T GIVE SECOND CHANCE

LIFE WON’T GIVE SECOND CHANCE.

When you are blessed with your husband or treat him like a king, treat your wife like a Queen (life won’t give second chance). Life won’t give you chance to get back your wife, or your husband. Think before you do. It takes sincere effort from both side equally. A one sided relationship never survives.

It was their anniversary, and Aisha was waiting for her husband Ahmed to show up.

  • Things had changed since their marriage, the once cute couple couldn’t-live-without-each-other had turned bitter.
life won't give second chance to you
Life won’t give second chance
  • Fighting over every little things, both didn’t like the way things had changed.
  • Aisha was waiting to see if Ahmed remembered it was their anniversary!
  • Just as the door bell rang she ran to find her husband wet and smiling with a bunch of flowers in his hand.
  • The two started re-living the old days. Sharing old beautiful memories. And it was raining outside! It was perfect.
life won't give second chance to you
Life won’t give second chance
  • But the moment paused when the phone in the bedroom rang.
  • Aisha went to pick it up and it was a man. “Hello ma’am I’m calling from the police station. Is this Mr Ahmed Hasan’s number?” “Yes it is!”
  • “I’m sorry ma’am; but there was an accident and a man died.
  • We got this number from his wallet; we need you to come and identify his body.”
  • Aisha’s heart sank.!!! She was shocked!
  • But my husband is here with me?”
  • “Sorry ma’am, but the incident took place at 2 pm, when he was boarding the train.”
  • Aisha was about to lose her conscience.
  • How could this happen??
  • She ran into the other room.
  • He was not there. It was true! He had left her for good!!
  • She rolled on the floor in pain. She lost her chance Forever!
  • Suddenly there was a noise from the bathroom, the door opened and Ahmed came out and said “Darling, I forgot to tell you my wallet got stolen today”.
Life won't give second chance to you
Life won’t give second chance
  • LIFE MIGHT NOT GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE. SO NEVER WASTE A MOMENT WHEN YOU CAN STILL MAKE UP FOR YOUR WRONGS!!!
  • So for Allaah’s sake let’s start making amendments…
  • To parents
  • To siblings
  • To friends
  • And many more other relationships..

No one is promised tomorrow. Have a wonderful Life with no regrets! (life won’t give second chance).

I want a husband/wife who will get mad at me when I miss a prayer.
I want a husband/wife who will pour cold water on me when I don’t get up for Fajr Salah.

I want a husband/wife who will draw me closer to Allah, who will get upset when I lie, cheat and do bad things and anything wrong.
I want a husband/wife who will call me after every Maghrib Salah to read Qur’an together.

I want a husband/wife who will wake me up in the middle of the night for us to pray together and ask forgiveness from Allah.
In’ Shaa’ Allah… Ameen.

WHY IS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE FORBIDDEN DURING MENSTRUATION

MENSTRUATION:

Praise be to Allah.

Allah has forbidden men to have sexual intercourse with their wives during Menstruation.

Allah says in Glorious Quran:

“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses” [al-Baqarah 2:222]

From the above verse, it is clearly forbidden by Allah to do it and He, subhana-wa-taala has told us that it is harmful to both men and women.

Science has revealed some of the harms that are disclosed in this verse but they have not fully managed to describe all of them. In this article, we will try to discuss some of those.

No Sex in Menstruation
Forbidden in Menstruation

Having intercourse with a menstruating woman must be avoided because it results in an increase in the flow of menstrual blood as the veins of the uterus are congested and prone to rupture. Hence, they get damaged easily and may result in injury. The walls of the vagina are also susceptible to injury so the likelihood of inflammation is increased. Also, mans penis can also be inflamed due to irritation caused during intercourse.

Having intercourse during menstruating is also off-putting to both the man and the woman because of the presence of blood and its smell. It may make a person uninterested in sex.

Dr. Muhammad al-Baar said, “speaking of the harm that may be caused to the menstruating woman: The lining of the uterus is shed during menstruation, and the uterus is scarred as a result, just like when the skin is flayed. So it is vulnerable to bacteria and the introduction of the bacteria that are to be found at the tip of the penis poses a great danger to the uterus.”

Hence we can conclude that the penetration of the penis into the vagina at the time of menstruation is the induction of germs at the time when the body is unable to fight them off.

 

Some doctors also believe that harm is not limited to the uterus and sexual organs but may be spread to other organs as well.

Intercourse is Forbidden During Menstruation
Intercourse is Forbidden During Menstruation

1. The spread of infection to the fallopian tubes, which may then become blocked, which in turn may lead to infertility or ectopic pregnancy, which is the most dangerous kind of pregnancy.

2. Infection may be spread to the urethra, bladder, and kidneys; Diseases of the urinary tract are serious and chronic in many cases.

3. An increase of germs in the menstrual blood, especially gonorrhea germs.

4. It may cause immense pain in the pelvic region in women as menstruation is accompanied by pains, the severity of which varies from one woman to another.

5. Many women suffer depression and stress during menstruation and intercourse may cause an increase in it.

6. Women’s sexual desire decreases and many women have no interest at all in sex during their periods. The entire reproductive system is in a state that is akin to sickness, so intercourse at this time is not natural and serves no purpose, rather it can cause a great deal of harm.

It is not the only woman who is affected by this rather men may also be affected by this action.

It may cause infection which may result in sterility in men. The severe pains suffered as a result of this infection may be even worse than the sterility it causes.

Stop intercourse in menstruation
Stop intercourse in menstruation

And there are many other harmful effects, some of which have not yet been discovered, but Allaah has referred to them when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and have taken a bath)”

[al-Baqarah 2:222]

Allaah has described it as adha, a harmful thing both for the wife and for the husband, and other harmful effects about which Allaah knows best.

Thus it becomes clear that the prohibition on intercourse at the time of menstruation is not just because of the blood, rather it is for many reasons as stated above.

However, it is permissible for a man to be intimate with his wife, without having intercourse (at the time of menstruation).

And Allah knows best.

SPOUSE : Secrets of your Spouse

Spouse Secrets :

1. To Marry :

Spouse: Women looks Future of Men, but Men looks Past of Women.

2. Love :

Women Likes Quality of Love, but Men likes Quantity of Love.

3. Search :

spouse
Spouse

Mostly Women Search for Character of Men. So its easier for her to forgive him but difficult to forget him, Whereas Mostly Men Likes Beauty of Women so if he find better one he can forget her but if she makes any mistake to him its difficult to forgive her.


Here are some tips to maintain a healthy relation with your spouse :

Ways To Keep Your Wife’s Love :

1. Make her feel secure and sakinah – don’t threaten her with divorce.

2. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.

3. Be a good listener.

4. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear.

5. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.

6. Sit down and eat meals together.

7. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.

8. Don’t leave home in anger.

Ways to Keep Your Husband’s Love :

spouse 3
Spouse

1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn’t want a man for his wife.

2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.

3. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.

4. Don’t keep asking him, “what are you thinking?”

5. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.

6. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.

spouse 1
Spouse

7. If he’s angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you’re quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he’s calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.

8. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

9. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him.

10. Don’t EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don’t say, “well her husband doesn’t do that, why do you” (thats a killer!)

11. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.

May ALLAH preserve all of our marriages and help us understand and implement them in and with the best of manners, Ameen!

MARRIAGE AFTER HARAM RELATION WITH NO ZINA (SEXUAL INTERCOURSE)

ZINA

HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ALLAH TO BLESS YOUR  MARRIAGE 

WHEN YOUR WEDDING IS FULL OF  DISOBEDIENCE TO HIM?  

All Praise be to Allah, the lord of the Heavens and Earth.

 Firstly: 

Any form of relationship between man and a woman, which is called and the unlawful and illicit relation is Haraam. It doesn’t matter if it goes as far as being intimate (Zina) which is indeed most hated, reprehensible and abhorrent type of a sin. It poses a great danger to individuals religious commitment and faith, or it is less than that, such as looking, touching or kissing. All of that is haraam and these are types of Zina in the general sense and are things that lead to the greater immoral action.

 Secondly: 

If the marriage takes place after a haraam relationship between a man and woman, then one of the following scenarios must apply:

 1. Either that marriage comes after an illegitimate sexual relationship, in which case the marriage is not valid except on the condition that both the man and woman repent from Zina and it be established that the woman is not pregnant as a result of the haraam relationship, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The adulterer/fornicator marries not but an adulteress/fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress/fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer/fornication or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer/fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer/fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism)” [al-Noor 24:3].

2. That marriage comes from a haraam relationship, but the relationship did not go as far as Zina, such as kissing, touching and other haraam actions that are less serious than Zina. In this case, the marriage is valid because it cannot be said of those who fell into this haraam relationship that they committed Zina. 

And Allah knows best.

IS ORAL OR ANAL SEX PERMISSIBLE IN ISLAM?

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful, 

Islam is a religion of modesty. It promotes modesty and shame in every act we do. In fact, modesty is something that differentiates a person from the animal. However, the issues of sexual behavior must be discussed and one should not shy away from learning about these matters as even the Sahaba (may Allah be pleased with them) would not shy away from asking questions about intimacy.

Our Prophet (saw) would also advise and teach people upon such matters despite being the most modest person the world has known. He would never be ashamed to teach the truth.

1. The first issue is regarding Oral Sex. Is it permissible? 

There are differing views about this according to different scholars. Most of the Muslim scholars are of the opinion that oral sex is permissible (halal) but disliked. As long as it does not involve swallowing the semen it is okay.

This could be said as there is no clear evidence in Quran and Sunnah that forbids it.

Shedding some more light on the issue, as far as oral sex involves kissing the private parts where there is no involvement of swallowing the semen (Mani) or pre-ejaculatory fluid (Madhi) than it is permissible, although disliked. Also, the act must not be forced on anyone and must not cause harm.

However if by oral sex means to swallow the filth, it is not permissible. The filth in all forms taken in a mouth is unlawful. These fluids are impure thus taking them orally is not permissible. If the same act is performed using a condom and filthy fluids are avoided then there is no problem in that.

In conclusion, It is not prohibited and is not haram but due to the nature of this act it is not considered to be a proper conduct of a Muslim, The mouth that is used in the Dikhr of Allah, recite Quran and send salutations on Prophet Muhammad (saw), cannot be used in such filthy and dirty practices and should be avoided. A Muslim of high morality and conduct will not imitate a non-Muslim and will avoid it.

2. The second issue is regarding Anal Sex. Is it permissible? 

There is no question in the fact that anal sex is totally prohibited in Islam. As Allah azawajal mentions in holy Quran clearly: “Say: They are hurt and a pollution; so keep away from women in their courses and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves ye may approach them in a manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and he loves those who keep themselves pure and clean.” (Quran, 2:222)

One may find many narrations regarding this issue of Messenger of Allah (saw) that forbid it straight away. “The one who has intercourse with his wife in her anus has disavowed himself of that which was revealed to Muhammad ﷺ.” (Abu Dawud) “Allah will not look (with mercy) at the one that has anal sex with his wife” (meaning on the day of Qiyamah). (Sunan Nasa’i) “Allah will not look at a man who has intercourse with a woman in her anus.” (Tirmidhi)

“Allah is not too shy, to tell the truth,” three times. “Do not have intercourse with women in their back passages.” (Ibn Majah)

“Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2157 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah: The Prophet (saw) said: the who has intercourse with his wife through her anus is accursed.”

“Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 3895 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah: The Prophet (saw) said: If anyone resorts to a diviner and believes in what he says, or has intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating or has intercourse with his wife through her anus, he has nothing to do with what has been sent down to Muhammad (saw)!”

In conclusion, it is totally haram and must be abstained from. May Allah guide us.

3. Sex during menstruation (Haidh) 

The Quran and clearly prohibited the intercourse of a husband and a wife during menstruation. Allah Azawajal says in Holy Quran: “They ask you (O Prophet) regarding menstruation. Say It his hurtful and impure. So abstain from women (sexually) in menstruation.” (Sura al-Baqarah, V.222) Also In numerous hadith, it is mentioned that intercourse during menstruation is unlawful. The Prophet (saw) said: “Approach from the front or the back, but avoid anal sex and sex during menstruation.” (Tirmidhi) Hence it is unlawful and must be avoided.

May Allah guide us and protect us. 

AN EXCEPTIONAL WIFE HAS THESE BEAUTIFUL CHARACTERS

All praise be to Allah.
An ideal wife in Islam has these beautiful characters.


She is The Patient one:

The woman who remains patient in all circumstances and situation and understands her husband, and never whines or moans over small issues. She doesn’t complain or she is not dissatisfied with her husband or marriage. When some trouble or affliction hits her, she turns to Allah Almighty for help.

She is The Protector:

The woman who protects her chastity and her husband’s wealth when he is far away. She doesn’t mingle with other men and doesn’t gossip. As a clever and wise wife, she knows, respects and stays within the boundaries of his gheerah (protective jealousy).

When he returns, she runs into his arms, as if she was anticipating for his return. She allows him time to relax before anything and does not burden him with the day’s problems, but listens attentively to his needs and does her best to take his tiredness away.

She gives much love:

This woman adores her husband, beautifies herself for him, smell nice for him. She is characterized by shyness and modesty, glancing with love in her eyes, only for her husband.

She is The Good Do-er:

She has the excellent reputation in society. She is the kindest and courteous. She is good to her in-laws and neighbors. She respects her relatives and never backbites.

She is Content:

This woman is content about with what Allah has given her. She chooses to be happy with what she has instead of complaining about all the things she doesn’t have. She is thankful for, however, her husband takes care of her, for every morsel of food, every cloth she has and the house where they dwell. She makes her gratefulness known to him in words and action and thus, soothes her husband’s heart.

As the Prophet (peace be upon him) advised, she looks at those less fortunate than herself in the material world. She then becomes even more thankful to her Lord and her Husband for all that she does have.

She is The Pious:

She spends much of her time in Dhikr of Allah and makes the environment in the house as that of the most righteous. She encourages he children and husband to engage in religious things. As the Prophet (peace be upon him) advised, she looks at those more pious than her in the religious sense and strives to progress further in piety and knowledge.

She smiles always:

A wise wife never frowns. She is always smiling and uplifts the atmosphere around her. She always talks gently, choosing the sweetest of words. The ideal wife never raises her voice while talking to her husband.

If her husband is angry with her for some reason and shouts at her, she tries her best not to answer back but instead maintains a dignified silence. She understands that a man by nature, loves to be the ‘king of the jungle’, wanting to prove himself right, it makes him feel good. Two seconds of patients from the wife can go a long way…

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said; “I guarantee a house on the outskirts of Jannah for the one who gives up arguing even if he/she is in the right…” [Tirmidhi]

May Allah bless all the married couples.

Daughters/Women are so special that when a male marries a female, he is reminded constantly that who you have married is the special child of someone, dear to someone, so we tell the husband’s that when you look at your wife don’t just at her as your wife, that’s not the only title she has, she had a title before that which was dearer and more valuable, what was it?

She’s the daughter of so-and-so she also has her own family that loves her and respects her, so do not disrespect her, do not abuse her, like they say don’t make her cry.

You know when my wife cries I always tell her I’m supposed to, I’m not supposed to allow you to cry, she says: ”I cry out of joy mashAllah” okay that’s good, that’s a good sign so if you’re crying out of joy and happiness Alhamdulillah but if you’re crying out of you sadness, you know you’re stuck, there is no way forward, Wallahi Allah has heard the cry of a wife/women and a daughter.

If you take a look at Surat Al Mujadilah named after a woman who came through in order to present her case to Muhammad (PBUH) where the husband became disinterested in her, read to this and i shall I will end on this note.

I tell you very interestingly there was a woman known as Khawla Bint Tha’laba (RA) so what happened to her, she was married and Masha Allah you know, a pretty beautiful woman, next thing expecting she has a child and when you have a child what happens?

Subhan Allah people forget that you’ve now born children, you’ve graduated into a new level of motherhood now and so on, you will not be the same girl you used to be 20 years back, things have to change perhaps you may change in so many ways you become wiser and perhaps you may even become a little bit heavier, (may Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala grant us ease), she complained because her husband started losing interest or showed disinterest, he was not interested and he started saying whenever she was trying to get him, get his attention, he would say you just like my mother man, it’s okay you know you just like a mother, you just like my sister and so on she went to Muhammad (pbuh) crying weeping complaining what do I do?

This man is saying this to me, he refuses to touch me and at the same time he is the one who impregnated me, he gave me the children, he is the one who did this. When I married him I was in tip-top shape and so on. My dear brothers and sisters read carefully i want to tell you that that does not mean that when you have given birth, you should just lose yourself, no, go back, you will be able to retain a lot if you work on it may (Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’ala help us) whether they are sit-ups, leg ups whatever you want to call them they work, trust me they actually work, dedicatedly so don’t use a Hadith in order for you to throw yourself.

You know to the side, no! work on it you will feel good by the will of Allah like I said do it for the right reasons going back to this narration, so as she is complaining do you know what happened! The Prophet (PBUH) obviously it’s a difficult situation, what do you say? you need to convince the man, so verses were revealed: indeed Allah has heard the argument of the woman who has come to you complaining to Allah, Allah has heard it (the cry)  and then he gives the response and it’s a long set of verses where Allah speaks of the punishment of those who say those type of statements and how special and important the woman is, you don’t say these words (Masha Allah).

May Allah help us to make the correct decisions in life (Ameen)

Pornographic Addiction And Its Effects In Marriage

In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Islam is a way of life. There is not a topic in Islam that is not touched. It is a complete guide for a believer’s life, from prayer to purity, from Akhlaq to Imaan, from family to business. Everything is balanced. It’s a job of a Muslim to go through it and help himself in following Islam.

Allah Most High says in the glorious Quran:

“O you who believe, enter into Islam completely and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Surely he is an open enemy for you.” (Qur’an 2:208)

We as Muslims believe in the oneness of Allah yet fall prey to evil Fitna’s around the world, the reasons of which are numerous based on the place we live and the company we keep and most important the 24X7 internet connection that we have in our palms.

The addiction to evil has become so easy that we do not think twice before committing such sins and become addicted to them. One of the most disturbing addictions we see in today’s Muslim youth is the addiction to pornography.

The first thing we must know about it is that it is haram and forbidden.

It may start small but over the time it becomes uncontrollable. Many of our brothers and sister are so addicted that they even watch pornographic stuff during work hours and even during family gatherings. My dear beloved brothers and sisters in Islam it is a slippery slope the sooner you get a grip on yourself the better.

The evidence from Quran and Hadith that show that watching Pornography is haram.

“Tell the faithful men to cast down their looks and to guard their private parts. That is more decent for them. Allah is indeed well aware of what they do. Tell the faithful women to cast down their looks and to guard their private parts, and not to display their charms…so that you may be felicitous.” (Quran, 24:30-31)

Abd al-Rahman, the son of Abu Sa’id al-Khudri, reported from his father:

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: A man should not see the private parts of another man, and a woman should not see the private parts of another woman, and a man should not lie with another man under one covering, and a woman should not lie with another woman under one covering.

(Sahih Muslim 343 a)

From the above proofs, it is clear and without a doubt that Pornography is evil and should be abstained from. A Muslim is not the one who is immodest and immoral. He should guard his chastity and protect himself from the hellfire. Looking at pornographic things make a person want to commit further grievous and major sins and clearly takes him away from the straight path of Allah subhana-wa-ta’ala.

How it affects the married life of a person.

Being married or not pornography will and does affect the peaceful and pure relation of Husband and wife at some point of their life. Many of my brothers and sisters must be even experiencing some of the effects. Pornography destroys the matrimonial bond. It leads to dissatisfaction of spouse’s among themselves. Decreases the sexual satisfaction and desire with one’s spouse and hence decreasing sexual intimacy.

A person who indulges in pornography not only harms his own self-burns his good deeds but also harms the person related to him. It deeply affects the mental and psychological health of a person. 

Pornography leads to infidelity (cheating/adultery)

In a research conducted by Stack, Wasserman, and Kern (2004) it was determined that a person who committed an act of infidelity was 3.18 times more likely to have used internet pornography than one who did not commit an act of infidelity. They also found that married individuals who solicited the services of a prostitute were 3.7 more likely to have used internet pornography than those who did not. (source: Stack, S., Wasserman, I., & Kern, R. (2004). Adult social bonds and use of Internet pornography. Social Science Quarterly, 85(1), 75–88 accessed via Manning)

From the above research one must take heed and try to protect his/her marriage. It is a very sorry state of affairs that many Muslim youths are trapped in this evil and many of whom have no idea what is the reason behind their falling apart the marriage.

Intimacy between couples is the most important measure for the strong marital bond between the couple. The more the spouses are intimate the more strong bond will be. Hence anything that will destroy this intimacy must be destroyed first.

Watching pornography or participating in cybersex will make your partner feel and experience betrayal, hurt, loss of self-esteem, fear, mistrust, and suspicion. 

If you are experiencing any of such things or if your interest in your partner is diminishing, look at yourself, introspect. 

Try to save your marriage and Aakhira before your bad habits destroy it.

All praise be to Allah.

There are 3 purposes of sexual intimacy in Islam.

1. It is mandatory for the conservation of human race and continuity of its kind. It has this divine purpose to show gratitude to the creator.

2. The congested semen or body fluids inside the body can cause serious illnesses and hence has to be ejected out.

3. To fulfill ones desire of sexual pleasure and enjoyment of this blessing.

Apart form these purposes, it is good for human health and yields essential health benefits.

Semen is rich in prostaglandins, which are harmone like fatty acids. These are found in whole of the body but vastly in semen. These are primary nutrients that affect the essential and normal body processes which include blood presure, metabolism, body temperature etc. Hence understanding its effects on body, this important water must be wisely used.

This means to wisely value the reasons behind dispensing of this precious water of life for either conceiving a child, or emitting it through lawful sexual intercourse upon congestion.

Congested semen which are retained for long periods of time inside the body may effect it negatively and may cause various ailments including obsession, lunacy and even insanity. Engaging in lawful sexual intercourse may aid in the recovery from such illnesses.

Moreover, congestion of semen for extra long periods can cause its corruption and may turn it into harmful toxin that a human body cannot easily dispose off. However, sometimes,nature produces a spontaneous and involuntary emission of excess semen, usually during sleep, and without sexual intercourse.

A person must not abstain from having lawful sexual intercourse, for a water well drains out if its water if it’s not used regularly.

Imam Muhammad ibn Zakariyya once said:

“Abstaining from sexual intercourse for an extended period weakens one’s nervous system, can cause obstruction of the urethra, and shrinks the penis.”

He added when he observed some people who vowed temporary abstention from sexual intercourse, that their sexual energy diminished, they suffered general weakness of their bodies, became doleful, lost their desire, and their digestive system became corrupt.

All these benefits are that kf lawful sexual intercourse. Unlawful intercourse leads to destruction and wrath of Allah taala.

Other benefits of lawful sexual intercourse include protection from unlawful things including looking at haraam and preserving ones chastity. With it a person is able to control his desire from unlawful and haraam and protects his spouse as well. Imam Ahmad alluding to abstention from sex, once said:

“I exercise patience when fasting from food and drink, though it is still difficult.”

He also reported in his collection of correct prophetic traditions that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) encouraged the believers to get married, saying:

“Get married, and conceive many children for I shall take pride in your number on the day of judgment.”

Ibn Abbass (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:

“I get married, eat meat, sleep, stand up in night prayers, fast, and break my fast. Whoever disdains from my traditions (Sunnah) is not one of my followers.”

He (SAW) also said:

“O young men whoever among you has the means to establish a family, he should get married, for marriage preserves the chastity of one’s eyes and sexual organ, and whoever cannot afford to establish a family, he must fast from desiring sex, for abstention in that case will protect him from sin.”

Ibn Abbass (RA) one said:

“We recognize that marriage is the best solution for two people who are in love.”

It is also narrated in the two collections of correct prophetic traditions that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:

Allah’s Messenger (SAW) also encouraged people to choose the young and fertile. On this subject, Mu’qal bin Yasar related that a man said to Allah’s Messenger (SAW):

“I found a beautiful woman from a noble family but she cannot bear children, should I marry her? Allah’s Messenger (SAW) replied, “Nay.” The man came back and asked a third time and asked the same question, Allah’s Messenger (SAW) turned to his companions and said: “Choose in your wives the fertile and the affectionate, for I shall take pride in your number on the day of judgment.”

And Allah knows best.

ETIQUETTE OF INTIMATE RELATION

Islam is the only religion that has taught mankind how to live   and behave in every aspect of life. It has brought good teaching  to mankind concerning their livelihood, religion, living and dying.

Moreover, it does not shy away from discussing the matters of intimacy which is indeed is indeed one of the important matter of one’s life. Islam has prescribed a proper conduct and clear rules by which a person can get intimate with his/her spouse. In Islam it is connected to righteous intention, supplication and proper conduct which elevate the level of worship and rewards from Allah.

The Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explains this. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) says in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad:

“Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) brought the most perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and people may find pleasure and enjoyment, and it may fulfill the purpose for which it was created, because sex was created for three basic purposes:

1. The preservation and propagation of the human race.

2. Expulsion of harmful fluid (semen) if retained in the body.

3. Fulfilling physical desires and enjoying physical pleasure. This alone is the feature that will be present in Paradise, because there will be no producing of offspring there, and no retention which needs to be relieved by ejaculation.

(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, p. 249).

And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Among its benefits is that it helps to lower the gaze, brings self-control, enables one to keep away from haraam things, and achieves all of these things for the woman too. It brings benefit to a man with regard to this world and the Hereafter, and benefits the woman too.

Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to enjoy regular intimate relations with his wives, and he said, “In your world, women, and perfume have been made dear to me.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 3/128; al-Nasaa’i, 7/61; classed as saheeh by al-Haakim).

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it helps him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity. And whoever cannot do that, let him fast, for it will be a protection for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/92; Muslim, 1400).

(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 251).

The matters that must be paid attention to when engaging in intimate relationships are as:

1. Sincere intention.

Doing this only for the sake of Allah and to protect oneself from the haram things. To earn the praise of Allah and to attain great rewards.

It was reported from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “In the sexual intercourse of any one of you there is reward” (meaning, when he has intercourse with his wife). They said, O Messenger of Allaah, when any one of us fulfills his desire, will he have a reward for that?

He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you not see that if he were to do it in a haraam manner, he would be punished for that? So if he does it in a halaal manner, he will be rewarded.” (Narrated by Muslim, 720).

2. Precede with the kind words.

Intercourse should be preceded by kind words, playfulness, and kisses. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to play with his wives and kiss them. In fact, intercourse without foreplay is not permissible.

3. Make the supplication.

When a man has intercourse with his wife, he should say: “Bismillaah, Allaahumma jannibnaa al-shaytaan wa jannib al-shaytaan maa razqtanaa (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah Keep us away from the Shaytaan and keep the Shaytaan away from what You bestow on us (our children)).” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: If Allaah decrees that they should have a child, the Shaytaan will never harm him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/187)

4. Sex positions.

A man can have Intercourse with his wife in whatever position he may like but on the condition that it is in her vagina, which is the place from which a child is born. Allaah says: “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223].

Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Jews used to say that if a man had intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child would have a squint. Then this aayah was revealed: Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223].

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “From the front or from the back, so long as it is in the vagina.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 8/154; Muslim, 4/156).

5. Anal Sex is not permitted.

It is not permissible in any circumstances as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. It is known that the place of tilth is the vagina, which is the place from which one hopes for a child.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is cursed who has intercourse with women in their back passages.” (Narrated by Ibn ‘Udayy, 1/211; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 105).

6. Do wudoo.

If a man wishes to approach or come near his wife for the second time, then he should do wudoo because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you has intercourse with his wife then wants to repeat it, let him do wudoo’ between the two (actions), for it is more energizing for the second time.” (Narrated by Muslim, 1/171).

This is mustahabb (recommended), not waajib (obligatory); if he is able to do ghusl between the two actions, this is better, because of the hadeeth of Abu Raafi’ who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went around his wives one day and did ghusl in this one’s house and in this one’s house. He (Abu Raafi’) said: I said to him, O Messenger of Allaah, why do you not do one ghusl? He said, “This is cleaner and better and purer.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Nasaa’i, 1/79)

7. Forbidden during Menstruation.

It is forbidden for a man to come near his wife (have intercourse) when she is menstruating because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an adhaa (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath).

And when they have prufieied themselves, then go in unto them as Allaah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.).” [al-Baqarah 2:222].

But it is permissible for the husband to enjoy his menstruating wife without having intercourse, because of the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would tell one of us, when she was menstruating, to wear a waist-wrapper, then her husband would lie with her.” (Agreed upon).

8. Azl is not prohibited.

It is not prohibited for spouses to do azl i.e. to withdraw before ejaculation. By the same token, it is permissible for him to use condoms – if his wife gives her permission, because she has the right to pleasure and to children. The evidence for this is the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said, “We used to do ‘azl at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) heard about that, and he did not forbid us.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/250; Muslim, 4/160).

9. Do not spread your secret.

It is forbidden and is haram for spouses to reveal what happens between them in their private life. It is a very evil thing.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Among the most evil of people before Allaah on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who comes to his wife and has intercourse with her, then he spreads her secrets.” (Narrated by Muslim, 4/157).

It was reported from Asmaa’ bint Yazeed that she was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and men and women were sitting with him, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Would any man say what he did with his wife? Would any woman tell others what she did with her husband?” The people kept quiet and did not answer.

I [Asmaa’] said: “Yes, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, they (women) do that, and they (men) do that.” He said, “Do not do that. It is like a male devil meeting a female devil in the road and having intercourse with her whilst the people are watching.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, no. 1/339; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 143).

May Allah give us good manners and beautiful etiquettes throughout our lives.

THINGS THAT SHOULD KEEP IN VIEW WHILE INTERCOURSE

Speaking from the intimacy point of view, there are   guidelines that you need to understand and this is from both perspectives.As Muslims, we should be well aware of these things.

When a person has question regarding intimacy they do not feel comfortable to speak with imaam. They do not share anything about it with the brother they see in the Masjid. There needs to be a safe space. So we want to give you a general guideline in terms of what is allowed and what is not and the reason why we bring this is because one of the biggest levels of frustration is because of this improper intimacy.

These types of things need to be discussed among the teenagers and adults so that they are getting married in a Halal and in a mature way.

So first let us talk about what is Halal and what is Haram, the general script, the general point, and general rule when it comes to intimacy is that everything is Halal until proven Haram. When you look into the shariah, what are the things that Allah (SWT) has prohibited? And there are 4 things that Allah (SWT) has clearly prohibited.

No 1 is that Allah (SWT) has prohibited intimacy through the anus. No2 Allah (SWT) has prohibited intimacy when a woman is in her menstrual cycle and this takes the same rule when she has postpartum bleeding (i.e. bleeding during and after delivery) during that time it is not permissible to be physically intimate with her.

So the first thing we mentioned is that intimacy through the anus is clearly Haram and in fact this is something that there is consensus on that there’s no disagreement upon that this is prohibited, this is prohibited and is not allowed and the same thing applies to the 2nd as well that during menstruation and during postpartum bleeding, it is not permissible to have marital relation at that time.

They can (husband and wife) be intimate in a sense that they can hold hands, they can kiss one another, they can enjoy in every single way except for having marital relations.

Then comes no 3 is that a person should not be filthy, what does this general guideline mean? This guideline encompasses of two main things Ist is the way we speak with one another, so for example, living in our culture, there is a culture of being very vulgar while having sex.

That is not allowed in Islam, rather there should be a level of humanity and a level of dignity that needs to be retained. One of side effect of watching pornography is that you are developing a culture of intimacy that is not allowed in Islam. So from guild line no 3 we get that a person should not be filthy.

Then the fourth thing is that you are not meant to be wasteful and this is something that, you know you’ll find in the books of old that certain things that you’re allowed to use intimacy, certain things that you are not allowed to use in intimacy, so the question arises: are you allowed using food while being intimate?

And answer to this is yes as long as you’re consuming that food so for example, you know I am going throw out names of food, you figure out what to do with them, so when you talk about things like chocolate souse, you talk about whip cream you talk about those sort of things, these are things that are allowed to use but the at the same time a person should not be wasteful, a person should not just use these things and throw it away but rather you’re meant to consume them and not be wasteful.

Those are general guidelines and both man and women are differently oriented as far as intimacy is a concern. Now, what is the difference between the intimacy of a man and women?

For a man, he is very goal oriented, so for a man, it’s about doing the task and finished the task and that will give him a greater degree of satisfaction.

While when comes to women they are experience oriented. For women it’s not about finishing the task it’s about the experience.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) tells us: No one is single in Paradise. Adam (peace be upon him) was given Hawwa’ (Eve) and everyone that enters into Paradise would be given a spouse. Who that spouse is? It depends. Allah says: ”Enter you and your spouses into Paradise”

Enter you and your spouses into Paradise

First and foremost, those that were married will enter together. The scholars say that the first relationship that Allah created in the world was that of Adam and Eve. For between human beings even the parent and the child relationship came later.

Ibn Kathir goes through these possibilities of what would happen in Jannah for people, he says for example that someone you loved in Dunya but you were unable to marry for some reason, you’ll be married to that person.

Or it could just be a heavenly spouse. So it wasn’t someone from this world or someone that was desired in this world but you’re given a heavenly spouse.

Sisters ask all the time about the Hoor al-Ayn (spouses) for men, what about women? There is no such thing is impermissible in Paradise. A person can have whatever they want but Allah addresses that which is common and that which is known.

We really have no restrictions in Paradise but the point is that The Prophet (peace be upon him) says that there is no person that’s single in Jannah, just like Adam (peace be upon him) was not left single in Jannah.

Let’s say that you enter into Jannah with your spouse, I actually have people come to me and say: “If going to Paradise means I’m still going to be with my wife, it’s not Paradise!” or “If going to Paradise means he’s still going to be there, it’s not really Paradise!” “Can I get to Paradise and can I switch out husbands? Can I switch out wives…?”

It’s not going to be like when you enter Paradise. It’s not going to be like you again, can you go to that other house in Paradise, can I have my own space in Paradise.

Because in Paradise, there are no grudges, no ill feelings… you might work out your problems before you get into Paradise

There is no dissatisfaction in Paradise. You will love your spouse in Paradise, whether a spouse that is heavenly, or a spouse from people of the Dunya… whoever it is, you will love that spouse.

Something beautiful that the Prophet said about spouses in Paradise that every time a person sees their spouse in Paradise, that they would see that their spouse is more beautiful than the last time they saw them, and you would say to your wife “you’re even more beautiful than the last time I saw you”. She would say: “You’re even more handsome than the last time I saw you.”

Meaning, part of Paradise is that Allah makes the spouses perpetually more attractive, more beautiful, more loving… so Allah grows that interest and attraction so that the bond continues to get stronger and stronger in Paradise.

We ask Allah to enter us into Jannatul Firdaus with our spouses and companionship with our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

(Source – AboutIslam.Net)

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