Tag: marriage

SPICE UP YOUR MARRIED LIFE

married life

Marriage is a sacred bond, a Sunnah of our Prophet Muhammad(saw) and the way of attaining the pleasure of Allah.

Married Life:

When everything is new, it is easy to remain enthusiastic, but the reality is that somehow along the way in that journey, many people lose sight of the beauty in a good marriage and fall into negative patterns. A marital bond is something that is meant to be cultivated and grown with efforts from both husband as well as a wife. Whether you are just beginning your married life or are into it for quite some time. Add value to your bond and relation. Here are some tips to spice up your beautiful journey.

1.   Set aside time for your spouse (Married Life)

Aisha (RA) reported that she was with Allah’s messenger during a journey. She said, “I was not bulky”. He told his companions to move forward and they did. He then told me: “Come and race me”. I raced him on foot and I beat him. But, on another journey, when I became bulky, he asked me to race him. I raced him and he beat me. He started laughing and said: “This makes up for that beating”.

The greatest gift that you can give your spouse in a marriage is endless your time. Of course, we have work and daily chores that need to be fulfilled but not giving your spouse the proper time that they deserve is being unjust towards them. How can one expect a beautiful understanding and strong bond with another person if he/she doesn’t spend time with his/her spouse?

It is this primary bond that will build the foundation of the family, so it has to be nurtured. Take drives, go out on walks, and even sit back at the end of the evening with a cup of tea or coffee to have a meaningful conversation.

married life

2. Express your love through gratitude

“And of His signs is that He has created spouses for yourselves from your own selves so you might take comfort in them and He has created love and mercy among both of you. In this, there is evidence (of the truth) for the people who (carefully) think.” (Surah 30, Verse 21).

Love and mercy should be the hallmarks of any solid marriage and relationship. We see that it is stipulated in the scriptures. But is this truly what is practiced in modern daily life?

One must never take another person for granted. We all have our emotional needs. Certain actions of kindness and love work a great deal. Also, a nice little gesture or word indicating your love towards your spouse is great. That extra snack that your wife packs into your lunchbox or when your husband agrees to take the children away so that you can have time at your Mum’s place, can all seem mandatory and expected.

3.   Make an effort

Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās Radi Allahu anhu said: “As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself with her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because of Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” (Qur῾ān2:228.)[11]

Our spouses have the right to see us in good shape and hygiene. Always remember that your spouse is a deserving recipient of your best. Marriage can be a complex situation at times, but there are still basic principles of a man and woman and attraction at play in a husband and wife relationship in Islam and an effort made in this department can help strengthen the marital bond.

A good scent, a clean body, good dress, and some makeup and accessories for the ladies all communicate to your spouse that you have a positive attitude about yourself and that you respect your marriage enough to make the effort. Men must also make the effort to be well-groomed to the best of their ability.

married life

4.   Do fun, halaal activities together

The Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) stated, “Allah is pleased when a husband plays with his wife, due to this he fixes Sawaab (good reward) for them or he establishes halal rizq (lawful sustenance) for them.” (Al-Ifsah Ibn Hajr Haithami)

From an Islamic perspective, marriage is treated with the utmost solemnity. However, this does not mean that fun within the marriage context should not be had.

As much as marriage can fall into a routine, it is important that as a couple you two retain the identity of man and wife. Before the two of you may have become mum and dad, you were both each other’s sweethearts and it is important to retain that identity and grow the love that exists there. Play games, eat out at your favorite restaurants and get the heart rate up with some fun adrenaline -filled sport. Create a buzz that you will remember and talk about for years to come.

married life

5.   Be thoughtful, kind and give gifts (Married Life)

“Be kind towards your women. Take heed! You have rights over your women and your women also have rights over you. Their rights over you are that you provide food and clothing for them in good faith. Your rights over them are that they do not allow and nor do they give permission, for people to trespass into your house whose presence you dislike.” 

There is an understanding from this Hadith and the essence of that understanding is that there are rights and responsibilities that exist between men and women. A man must take the helm as a provider, but equally, a woman needs to close ranks and protect the home from any presence that may threaten it.

Get him or her, their favorite attar or book they would like to read. Contrary to what it may seem like, these are not necessarily material expressions of love. What it does convey, is that you took the time to observe and listen to your partner’s needs and found ways to meet them, which is in itself an ideal way to endear yourself to your partner.

married life

6.   Communicate with each other regarding feelings (Married Life)

The Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) said, “I severely dislike that woman who puts her cloak on and leaves the home in order to complain about her husband.” (Tabrani, Haithami)

If indeed your marriage has come to the point, where you feel that you need to go outside of the home to vent and complain about your spouse, perhaps it might be time to re-examine your methods of communication. Consider taking the time to discuss feelings and emotions. Both men and women are different in the ways in which they feel and interpret behavior. Make sure conversations are constructive, rather than destructive.

Speak from a place of building rather than breaking down. As husband and wife in Islam, you should always speak about how you feel and don’t just express displeasure but also speak of your joys and successes. If you are displeased with something about your spouse, converse with him/her in most polite and humble way. If your spouse is upset with you try to bring joy and fix the problem without being stubborn.

married life

7.   Take responsibility for the energy you bring to the table

Narrated AbuHurayrah: When the Prophet (peace be upon him) congratulated a man on his marriage, he said: May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good (works).

Sunan of Abu Dawood – Book 11 Hadith 2125

From this narration of hadith, it is evident that each partner needs to take responsibility for the attitude and the actions that they bring to the table in married life. The good works referred to isn’t necessarily a reference just to actions and deeds, but also to act in good faith and good spirit toward one another.

Married Life :

8.   Be positive and spontaneous

“The most perfect believer in faith is the one whose character is finest and who is kindest to his wife.” Hadith

Love and marriage thrive under positive action. Take that leave that you’ve been putting off. For just one evening of the week, skip the gym and get home a little earlier to your wife. Ladies, meet your husband in the middle of a workday for a lunch date. Most importantly speak to your spouse in the quiet times about acts of spontaneity that would add value to their lives. Then make it a part of the marriage ‘bucket-list’ to go about adding those highlights to their lives.

married life

9. Remember the good times and protect each other

“They (your wives) are a clothing (covering) for you and you too are a clothing (covering) for them.” (Surah 2, Verse 187)

Marriage is the ultimate act of teamwork. With this in mind, protect your partner, speak positivity into their life. Remember that you are not just a marital partner, but the other half of a winning team (married life). Inshallah, your marriage is a growing asset and foundation upon which you will raise wonderful children and fulfill the goals of half of your deen.

10. Allow your spouse to be themselves (Married Life)

Narrated by Thawban: When (the wahi) “And those who hoard gold and silver” came down they were with the Prophet (sall Allahu alaihi wa sallam) on one of his journeys. One of his companions said, “It has come down about gold and silver. Would that we knew which property is best so that we might acquire it!” He replied, “The best property is a tongue which mentions Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife who helps a man with his faith.”

Ahmad, Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah transmitted it.

[Al-Tirmidhi – Hadith 2275]

Accept your spouse for who they are. Be present in the relationship and the marriage that you have built.  Simply put, what this means is accepting your spouse and allowing them the space to be themselves. Too often in marriages, one or the other spouse tends to dominate, scold or belittle the other in front of guests and the children just to keep up appearances. Such behavior places a damper on the spirit of the marriage.

Yes, there may be aspects in the other that cause you irritation, but the truth is that variety is the spice of life.

If you really have a problem with the way your husband slurps his soup or if you find your wife’s laughter to be a little too high-pitched at a social gathering, quietly and lovingly address such issues away from the public eye. Remember that the purpose of a journey in marriage is to grow together and part of that is allowing your loved one to be true to who they are.

May Allah bless us all.

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MARRYING MR. RIGHT IN WRONG WAY TOWN

mr. right

Marrying Mr. Right

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, THE MOST GRACIOUS, THE MOST MERCIFUL

Marriages are made in heaven, but the wedding ceremony takes place on earth … and at times, besides the Mehr-e-Fatimi, there is nothing heavenly about it. (Marrying Mr. Right in wrong way town)

Many thousands of years ago, long before this earth was even created, when the pen of destiny was writing in the skies, the sweetest thing happened: the name of your sweetheart was placed next to yours.

Special consideration was taken in this sacred union by the Almighty Himself.

mr. right
Marrying Mr. Right

It was to be blessed with happiness and prosperity. But sadly on our part on earth, the way some of us conduct our wedding ceremonies nowadays, it seems that everyone but the Almighty, that loving Being responsible for our happiness, is relevant and needs to be obeyed and pleased.

Our ideas of having a modern un-Islamic and fancy wedding starts many years before we even find our better half. These crazy wedding fantasies are mostly obtained from romance novels, movies, sitcoms, fashion magazines and ofcourse, the bad example set by others in our own family and community.

We have all read about the simplicity of our Noble Prophet Muhammad (May peace be upon him) and how his daughters got married, but there is always a big BUT to it:

“We know its sunnat to be simple, BUT we can’t exclude anyone from the invitation list.” “It’s our first daughter’s wedding and we know it has to be simple, BUT we can’t break her heart.”

The best justification yet for abandoning the blessed Prophetic way is this:

“Our neighbor got married last year and although they are only working class, they invited 1000 people. Must we now keep it simple and show they are richer than us? We are not cheapskates! Let’s show them and invite 2000 people.”

Mr. Right
Marrying Mr. Right

No one can plead ignorance as to how the ideal Islamic marriage is to be conducted nowadays, but somehow everyone seems to forget this when their daughter starts weeping or when the neighbours may comment how stingy one is for not making the send off of their child a most memorable one.

We seem to be more worried of the opinion of people and our status in society than the pleasure of the Almighty. For this disobedience, we are punished in various ways without even realizing it.

Let us now see what’s wrong with our wedding functions nowadays.

Besides the mandatory Nikah ceremony which is usually held in the Masjid, and the Waleemah (nuptial feast), it must be known that nothing else is really prescribed in Islam.

But Islam is only meant for the books nowadays, so many couples unofficially marry their sweethearts over facebook or by dating a few months or years before the official marriage ceremony.

When they do decide to tie the knot, they call upon the friendly community Shaikh or Imam to solemnize their Nikah in a Masjid. Sometimes, a special Shaikh is flown in from overseas to add to the status of the marriage. At times, the blessed environment of the Masjid is left out and the Nikah is solemnized in the hall.

The Shaikh or the Imam is only there to legalize the contract, and to make sure he turns a blind eye to all the wrong going on around him. The serious lecture on the rights of husband and wife in the Masjid is replaced by gags and giggles by a humorous MC in the hall, and the sacred atmosphere is very soon turned to one of merry-making and fun.

Sometimes, the Imam is even used as a rubber stamp to sanction all the evil that takes place at these gatherings; and after the white envelope is safely tucked away in his pocket, he will even pose for a photoshoot!

Yes, we have taken our religion for granted.

mr. right
Marrying Mr. Right in wrong way town

And this is why on the day when we are supposed to be pleasing the Almighty the most, we anger Him the most. We pay the price for this many years thereafter without even knowing it.

Some marriages end in messy divorces a short while thereafter, some couples have endless financial, in-laws, addiction, extra-marital or family issues, whilst others go through so much depression and anxiety in their marriage that they wish they could turn the clock back and would’ve never married.

Let’s not be foolish and destroy our future lives for one day of pleasure. Do it right so the rest of your life can go right.

There is no mehndi night, belly dancing night, meethu mauru (sweetmeat) night, or bachelor night. There are no lavish meals a week or two before the nikah ceremony, and late nights of gossiping and smoking. Yes, family and friends are welcome to visit and create an atmosphere of joy, but there is no elaborate occasion for this.

In fact, the custom of delaying the wedding for many months after the proposal is also un-Islamic as Islam teaches us to marry as soon as a suitable partner is found. About a month is a reasonable time to prepare, not ten to twenty months! The more the marriage is delayed, the more attention the families will pay to shopping and planning a lavish wedding.

It will also give more time for mischief makers to dig up the past of the future couple and start spreading rumors, which sometimes lead to the breakup of the couple or delaying it for several years.

The couple should separately attend marriage classes before their wedding, and register for various workshops offered in this regard.

Authentic literature can also be studied so that the couple makes a mental adjustment of what is expected of them after the Nikah. For boys in particular, your ten fishing buddies will be replaced by one killer mermaid, so prepare for it. Also remember that the ring band given at the time of engagement is no license to see each other or go out together before the Nikah.

There will be ample time for that afterwards.

Now comes the big day. Keep it simple.

Our most noble Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told us that the wedding in which the least amount of expenditure is incurred, will have the most blessings.

He (peace be upon him) also told us that the function to which the poor is not invited, is cursed. So, let us compete in earning the pleasure of the Almighty, and not by competing with the Jone’s. Never take a loan for a wedding. Islam doesn’t place such a burden on one’s shoulder. There is simply no need to pitch up at the hall in a hot-air balloon or in your distant cousin’s yellow Ferrari. No need to walk down the aisle with a R40 000- gown which you will never wear thereafter, to the accompaniment of haraam music.

There is no need for a five-course meal, photoshoots and making elaborate videos of the day for which half the people don’t end up paying.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town


The function can be held in a humble tent or a Masjid or community hall – there is no need to hire out halls for as much as R50 000- per day when Muslims around the world are starving or fleeing for their lives from war-torn areas.

But extravagance is not the only issue at weddings. The show of outfits, intermingling of men and women and the mountains of makeup is even worse.

Many guests dress up as if they are getting married on the day, and some women apply so much make-up that a skyscraper can be built on their face! For them, scarves are meant for the shoulders, not the heads! Some brides and grooms tend to be religious in their daily lives, but on the wedding day they throw caution to the wind.

It’s also observed that some functions do have a partition to separate the ladies and the men, but as soon as the biryani is served, the floor crossing starts.

This is called yo-yo partition – up down, up down! The competition peaks when the designer gifts, or kunchas, are displayed for all to see in the hall or in the bride’s home.

Some gifts will have money made in the shape of trees, some will have expensive watches and exotic jewelry, some fruity perfumes and the latest outfits, whilst others will have grape juice in wine-shaped bottles and Swiss chocolates. It’s such shows of ostentation that invites burglars to break into one’s home on the wedding day.

The above are just a few of our crimes committed on the wedding day.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town


Apart from these crimes, we have the bad habit of arriving late as per “Indian Time” (two hours late) or according to “Arab Time” (five hours late).

Never mind the cook, the children and the elderly, as well as the sickly and diabetics are greatly inconvenienced by this. Those who need to travel a great distance to return home or those who do not want to miss their Fajr prayers are also pained. Let us take heed of these factors and change our ways.

For those who had a wedding reception in which some or all the above crimes were committed, there is a way out. Repent sincerely to the Almighty; as expiation, make sure that the same mistakes are not committed when you get your children married one day. Take it upon yourself to advise family and friends to keep their weddings simple.

Read the life story of the Queen of Paradise, Sayyidah Fatima az-Zahra and the Pure Wives of the Prophet, and try to emulate their example of simplicity and piety. Above all, break the cycle by setting a good example.

Finally, remember that weddings last only a day, but a marriage lasts a lifetime.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town

Let’s put the same effort daily in our marriages as we put on our wedding day, and our lives will become heaven on earth.  Aameen

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SPOUSE : Secrets of your Spouse

spouse

Spouse Secrets :

1. To Marry :

Spouse: Women looks Future of Men, but Men looks Past of Women.

2. Love :

Women Likes Quality of Love, but Men likes Quantity of Love.

3. Search :

spouse
Spouse

Mostly Women Search for Character of Men. So its easier for her to forgive him but difficult to forget him, Whereas Mostly Men Likes Beauty of Women so if he find better one he can forget her but if she makes any mistake to him its difficult to forgive her.


Here are some tips to maintain a healthy relation with your spouse :

Ways To Keep Your Wife’s Love :

1. Make her feel secure and sakinah – don’t threaten her with divorce.

2. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.

3. Be a good listener.

4. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear.

5. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.

6. Sit down and eat meals together.

7. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.

8. Don’t leave home in anger.

Ways to Keep Your Husband’s Love :

spouse 3
Spouse

1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn’t want a man for his wife.

2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.

3. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.

4. Don’t keep asking him, “what are you thinking?”

5. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.

6. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.

spouse 1
Spouse

7. If he’s angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you’re quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he’s calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.

8. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

9. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him.

10. Don’t EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don’t say, “well her husband doesn’t do that, why do you” (thats a killer!)

11. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.

May ALLAH preserve all of our marriages and help us understand and implement them in and with the best of manners, Ameen!

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Allah (SWT) mentioned in surah AR-RUM that from amongst the signs of Allah (SWT) i.e. which indicates the greatness, grandeur, and majesty of Allah, signs which are indicative of the oneness of Allah (SWT). Amongst those signs is that he has created from you “mates” so that you may find rest in her and he has made between you love and mercy indeed this (marriage) is a sign for those who think.

One of the signs of Allah is Marriage :

It seems a little bit out of place, we are talking about thunder and the lighting, heavens and the earth and we’re talking about the creation of man and how Allah is carrying the heavens without pillars and then the topic of the simple and settle topic of marriage comes up and that is also put side by side with these massive things.

marriage
Marriage


For those who are married and Allah (SWT) has blessed them with spouses, they understand why marriage is sign which is no less in greatness then the heavens and in the earth, thunder, lighting they are aware but perhaps amongst us are those who are not married and we are still little bit confused, maybe we can uncover some of the confusion today.

Why is marriage considered as one of those signs?

Nikah Marriage
Nikah Marriage

One of the reason perhaps it is because here you have two individuals the male and female who have never met each other before who are perhaps raised and nurtured and educated in two different sometimes even conflicting societies. They ate different food they inhale different Air they look different, they had different thoughts and most probably different ages and lo and behold in the single contract called that marriage contract.

They become the closest human beings to ever exist on the earth, this is a sign how Allah (SWT) bring heart together and that is why Allah (SWT) mentions that it was me it was I who created man from water that is our origins.

It was me who created man from the water and then I made him a relative by means of lineage and by means of marriage. Marriage is SubhanAllah a contract which brought two foreign individuals to each other and they have become closer than relatives.

This is one of the signs of the Allah (SWT) within marriage. Another of the aspects we show you how the signs of the greatness of Allah, and oneness of Allah is found in marriage why? Every Muslim brother and sisters focus with me now and take a note of this every single Muslim who traveling to Allah and perusing the pleasure of Allah (SWT), must carry with him or her, three bits of luggage, you can’t let go of any one of these three.

Marriage in islam
Marriage

If you are looking for the pleasure of Allah if you are looking for safety in your grave, if you are looking to cross the bridge (The sirat), if you are looking for your right-hand scale to be heavier, if you are looking to receive looking to receive your books in your right hand, if you are looking for Firdous AL ALA (the highest paradise’s), you need to carry three bits of luggage on your back.


As a Muslim and as a believer the first of them is TAHWEED i.e. the oneness of Allah the oneness of Allah needs to always be before your eyes. Never associating partners with Allah (SWT) in your dua or in your salah or in your sacrifices or in anything.

The second one of them, focus with me you will see how this link to marriage in a moment. The second bit of luggage that you need is what! ITTIBAA which means the following conformity to the sunnah of Prophet (PBUH). There needs to be adherence to the footsteps of Prophet (PBUH), so the second bit of luggage is the following of the tracks of the Messenger of Allah (PBUH).

Bit of Luggage that every Muslims need in his journey to Allah is TAZKIA, Tazkia meaning the purification of the soul. Always ensuring that you are manners, your morals, your emman, your Taqwa are always moving from a state of betterment to betterment, Tazkia; purifying of the soul.

What makes marriage so amazing Allah-huakbar!

Marriage Love
Marriage

And one of the signs of Allah (SWT) is that all three bits of luggage that I just mentioned can be found within the single Act called “MARRIAGE”. It’s amazing wa allahi its azim think about it, begin with Tawheed, we said the first is oneness of Allah, where on earth is that in Marriage? It is found in Marriage in the fact that Allah (SWT) has not taken himself a wife or a husband of a partner or assistant.

Allah (SWT) is not dual, he is one and marriage reminds you of the oneness of Allah How?

Because the human being you and I whether male of female he or she cannot taste the true meaning of serenity and happiness, tranquility, composure only with the assistance of a spouse.

So no matter how arrogant you and I may think we are and who clever we look with our jackets and how smart we look in Lamborghini cars and how independent we think because we now have a good wage coming in every month, there will come a point in your life when you will hit a dead end and you will say I can’t go anymore, I can’t even think straight anymore, I need to be married I need a spouse and that is a reminder of the oneness of Allah.

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