MARRYING MR. RIGHT IN WRONG WAY TOWN

Marrying Mr. Right

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, THE MOST GRACIOUS, THE MOST MERCIFUL

Marriages are made in heaven, but the wedding ceremony takes place on earth … and at times, besides the Mehr-e-Fatimi, there is nothing heavenly about it. (Marrying Mr. Right in wrong way town)

Many thousands of years ago, long before this earth was even created, when the pen of destiny was writing in the skies, the sweetest thing happened: the name of your sweetheart was placed next to yours.

Special consideration was taken in this sacred union by the Almighty Himself.

mr. right
Marrying Mr. Right

It was to be blessed with happiness and prosperity. But sadly on our part on earth, the way some of us conduct our wedding ceremonies nowadays, it seems that everyone but the Almighty, that loving Being responsible for our happiness, is relevant and needs to be obeyed and pleased.

Our ideas of having a modern un-Islamic and fancy wedding starts many years before we even find our better half. These crazy wedding fantasies are mostly obtained from romance novels, movies, sitcoms, fashion magazines and ofcourse, the bad example set by others in our own family and community.

We have all read about the simplicity of our Noble Prophet Muhammad (May peace be upon him) and how his daughters got married, but there is always a big BUT to it:

“We know its sunnat to be simple, BUT we can’t exclude anyone from the invitation list.” “It’s our first daughter’s wedding and we know it has to be simple, BUT we can’t break her heart.”

The best justification yet for abandoning the blessed Prophetic way is this:

“Our neighbor got married last year and although they are only working class, they invited 1000 people. Must we now keep it simple and show they are richer than us? We are not cheapskates! Let’s show them and invite 2000 people.”

Mr. Right
Marrying Mr. Right

No one can plead ignorance as to how the ideal Islamic marriage is to be conducted nowadays, but somehow everyone seems to forget this when their daughter starts weeping or when the neighbours may comment how stingy one is for not making the send off of their child a most memorable one.

We seem to be more worried of the opinion of people and our status in society than the pleasure of the Almighty. For this disobedience, we are punished in various ways without even realizing it.

Let us now see what’s wrong with our wedding functions nowadays.

Besides the mandatory Nikah ceremony which is usually held in the Masjid, and the Waleemah (nuptial feast), it must be known that nothing else is really prescribed in Islam.

But Islam is only meant for the books nowadays, so many couples unofficially marry their sweethearts over facebook or by dating a few months or years before the official marriage ceremony.

When they do decide to tie the knot, they call upon the friendly community Shaikh or Imam to solemnize their Nikah in a Masjid. Sometimes, a special Shaikh is flown in from overseas to add to the status of the marriage. At times, the blessed environment of the Masjid is left out and the Nikah is solemnized in the hall.

The Shaikh or the Imam is only there to legalize the contract, and to make sure he turns a blind eye to all the wrong going on around him. The serious lecture on the rights of husband and wife in the Masjid is replaced by gags and giggles by a humorous MC in the hall, and the sacred atmosphere is very soon turned to one of merry-making and fun.

Sometimes, the Imam is even used as a rubber stamp to sanction all the evil that takes place at these gatherings; and after the white envelope is safely tucked away in his pocket, he will even pose for a photoshoot!

Yes, we have taken our religion for granted.

mr. right
Marrying Mr. Right in wrong way town

And this is why on the day when we are supposed to be pleasing the Almighty the most, we anger Him the most. We pay the price for this many years thereafter without even knowing it.

Some marriages end in messy divorces a short while thereafter, some couples have endless financial, in-laws, addiction, extra-marital or family issues, whilst others go through so much depression and anxiety in their marriage that they wish they could turn the clock back and would’ve never married.

Let’s not be foolish and destroy our future lives for one day of pleasure. Do it right so the rest of your life can go right.

There is no mehndi night, belly dancing night, meethu mauru (sweetmeat) night, or bachelor night. There are no lavish meals a week or two before the nikah ceremony, and late nights of gossiping and smoking. Yes, family and friends are welcome to visit and create an atmosphere of joy, but there is no elaborate occasion for this.

In fact, the custom of delaying the wedding for many months after the proposal is also un-Islamic as Islam teaches us to marry as soon as a suitable partner is found. About a month is a reasonable time to prepare, not ten to twenty months! The more the marriage is delayed, the more attention the families will pay to shopping and planning a lavish wedding.

It will also give more time for mischief makers to dig up the past of the future couple and start spreading rumors, which sometimes lead to the breakup of the couple or delaying it for several years.

The couple should separately attend marriage classes before their wedding, and register for various workshops offered in this regard.

Authentic literature can also be studied so that the couple makes a mental adjustment of what is expected of them after the Nikah. For boys in particular, your ten fishing buddies will be replaced by one killer mermaid, so prepare for it. Also remember that the ring band given at the time of engagement is no license to see each other or go out together before the Nikah.

There will be ample time for that afterwards.

Now comes the big day. Keep it simple.

Our most noble Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told us that the wedding in which the least amount of expenditure is incurred, will have the most blessings.

He (peace be upon him) also told us that the function to which the poor is not invited, is cursed. So, let us compete in earning the pleasure of the Almighty, and not by competing with the Jone’s. Never take a loan for a wedding. Islam doesn’t place such a burden on one’s shoulder. There is simply no need to pitch up at the hall in a hot-air balloon or in your distant cousin’s yellow Ferrari. No need to walk down the aisle with a R40 000- gown which you will never wear thereafter, to the accompaniment of haraam music.

There is no need for a five-course meal, photoshoots and making elaborate videos of the day for which half the people don’t end up paying.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town


The function can be held in a humble tent or a Masjid or community hall – there is no need to hire out halls for as much as R50 000- per day when Muslims around the world are starving or fleeing for their lives from war-torn areas.

But extravagance is not the only issue at weddings. The show of outfits, intermingling of men and women and the mountains of makeup is even worse.

Many guests dress up as if they are getting married on the day, and some women apply so much make-up that a skyscraper can be built on their face! For them, scarves are meant for the shoulders, not the heads! Some brides and grooms tend to be religious in their daily lives, but on the wedding day they throw caution to the wind.

It’s also observed that some functions do have a partition to separate the ladies and the men, but as soon as the biryani is served, the floor crossing starts.

This is called yo-yo partition – up down, up down! The competition peaks when the designer gifts, or kunchas, are displayed for all to see in the hall or in the bride’s home.

Some gifts will have money made in the shape of trees, some will have expensive watches and exotic jewelry, some fruity perfumes and the latest outfits, whilst others will have grape juice in wine-shaped bottles and Swiss chocolates. It’s such shows of ostentation that invites burglars to break into one’s home on the wedding day.

The above are just a few of our crimes committed on the wedding day.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town


Apart from these crimes, we have the bad habit of arriving late as per “Indian Time” (two hours late) or according to “Arab Time” (five hours late).

Never mind the cook, the children and the elderly, as well as the sickly and diabetics are greatly inconvenienced by this. Those who need to travel a great distance to return home or those who do not want to miss their Fajr prayers are also pained. Let us take heed of these factors and change our ways.

For those who had a wedding reception in which some or all the above crimes were committed, there is a way out. Repent sincerely to the Almighty; as expiation, make sure that the same mistakes are not committed when you get your children married one day. Take it upon yourself to advise family and friends to keep their weddings simple.

Read the life story of the Queen of Paradise, Sayyidah Fatima az-Zahra and the Pure Wives of the Prophet, and try to emulate their example of simplicity and piety. Above all, break the cycle by setting a good example.

Finally, remember that weddings last only a day, but a marriage lasts a lifetime.

Watch This Video!!! Mr. Right in wrong way town

Let’s put the same effort daily in our marriages as we put on our wedding day, and our lives will become heaven on earth.  Aameen

MARRIAGE AFTER HARAM RELATION WITH NO ZINA (SEXUAL INTERCOURSE)

ZINA

HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ALLAH TO BLESS YOUR  MARRIAGE 

WHEN YOUR WEDDING IS FULL OF  DISOBEDIENCE TO HIM?  

All Praise be to Allah, the lord of the Heavens and Earth.

 Firstly: 

Any form of relationship between man and a woman, which is called and the unlawful and illicit relation is Haraam. It doesn’t matter if it goes as far as being intimate (Zina) which is indeed most hated, reprehensible and abhorrent type of a sin. It poses a great danger to individuals religious commitment and faith, or it is less than that, such as looking, touching or kissing. All of that is haraam and these are types of Zina in the general sense and are things that lead to the greater immoral action.

 Secondly: 

If the marriage takes place after a haraam relationship between a man and woman, then one of the following scenarios must apply:

 1. Either that marriage comes after an illegitimate sexual relationship, in which case the marriage is not valid except on the condition that both the man and woman repent from Zina and it be established that the woman is not pregnant as a result of the haraam relationship, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The adulterer/fornicator marries not but an adulteress/fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress/fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer/fornication or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer/fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer/fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism)” [al-Noor 24:3].

2. That marriage comes from a haraam relationship, but the relationship did not go as far as Zina, such as kissing, touching and other haraam actions that are less serious than Zina. In this case, the marriage is valid because it cannot be said of those who fell into this haraam relationship that they committed Zina. 

And Allah knows best.

WHAT DOES ISLAM SAY ABOUT FORCED AND SECRET MARRIAGE


In the name of Allah, the most compassionate, the most merciful.

Allah has created the bond of marriage as the most sacred bond between a man and a woman. Marriage makes it possible and permissible for them to enjoy each other. Allah has described this bond as:

And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)

Marriage is also an important part of the Sunnah. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “The Nikah is my Sunnah (way), whosoever leaves my Sunnah is not from amongst me” (Kitabus Sunan – Mishkat)

The Prophet of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has also said as narrated by Ibn Masud (May Allah be pleased with him)

“Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at nonpermissible females and protects you from immorality. However, those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Regardless, we find in today’s world that there are marriages that are totally improper and unfair and also makes ones life miserable.  These marriages are either forced or arranged against a person’s will. Islam does not support in any way a marriage where either the man or woman is unhappy with the setup.

Forced Marriages

The first thing we must know that Islam does not approve of any sort of Forced marriage. It is not valid and is haraam. We must understand that love and compatibility must be ensured by both the parties. However, we must know that The issue of forced marriage is not only a Muslim problem but can occur in any community. It is, unfortunately, happening in our society even today and Islam highly condemns it. The approval of both the parties is must to form a marriage contract.

Islam regards the marriage as the right of an individual and therefore others cannot force them into something that they do not want in their life. No one can make a decision on their behalf, and if one happens to do that, he is answerable on the day of judgment, to Allah. No one has the right to put the person’s life into miseries, no matter what the reasons are. Allah has given all the Human Beings the power to decide for themselves and this is one matter where he/she has to decide for himself/herself.

 If a woman/man is forced into marriage then the marriage would not be valid and would, therefore, need to be canceled. However, daughters and sons should also recognize the rights of their parents and come to an agreed solution before the marriage takes place.

If this does not happen then those who forced the marriage and those who allowed it is both guilty and has committed a major sin. The following incident clarifies the position of forced marriages in Islam;

Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said, “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”

He said, “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)

At first, The Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked her to obey her father as the concern of a father is the well being of his daughter. He advised her to follow her fathers decision and make peace among families but when he (peace be upon him ) realize that she did not want this marriage and this marriage was forced upon her, he nullified it and gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into unwanted marriage.

After hearing this she clearly mentioned to Prophet (Peace be upon him) that she does not want to cancel the marriage but wanted people to know that no father can force his daughter into a marriage that she did not want.

however, it must be noted that just like a parent does not have the right to force his child into marriage, the child too is not allowed to marry anyone by disobeying his/her parents. There is no place for disobedience to one’s parents in Islam.

Secret Marriages

Let’s try to define secret marriages first. “Any marriage contract taking place between  a man and a woman without the knowledge of the parents of one or both the individuals, marriage was done without the consent of the parents, marriage, about which no one is aware.”

Secret marriages are highly disliked in Islam and are considered as haraam if one goes against the will of the parents. 

The reason for this is that it means that those who are responsible for them are not advised of it and the couple will go against their parents by doing so. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has clearly stressed that the will of the father is the will of Allah (Bukhari) also how important it is to obtain the dua of one’s parents.

We recognize that some parents need to be advised and talked about the issue regarding marriage, this should be done by asking relatives or local Imaam’s to intervene. If one’s parents are not agreeing than try to convince them. Parents must also note that they must not be so strict regarding such issues and push their children to take extreme steps.

Create an atmosphere of love and respect for you. Remember your children are humans too and have emotions as well as feelings. Getting hard on them and leading them to sin of disobedience is also a great sin. Children may also note that they understand the reason behind the parent’s advice and give those a thought.

It is, however, the duty of both, parents and children to try to maintain peace and love in the family and protect one another from the wrath of Allah and destruction. Insha Allah, a marriage can only ever obtain spiritual comfort if the dua of one’s mother and father is with them.

Whilst the secret marriage may be valid it does not mean it is right and blessed.

May Allah give us the ability to understand the sacred concept of marriage and the Islamic approach towards it.

Allah (SWT) mentioned in surah AR-RUM that from amongst the signs of Allah (SWT) i.e. which indicates the greatness, grandeur, and majesty of Allah, signs which are indicative of the oneness of Allah (SWT). Amongst those signs is that he has created from you “mates” so that you may find rest in her and he has made between you love and mercy indeed this (marriage) is a sign for those who think.

One of the signs of Allah is Marriage :

It seems a little bit out of place, we are talking about thunder and the lighting, heavens and the earth and we’re talking about the creation of man and how Allah is carrying the heavens without pillars and then the topic of the simple and settle topic of marriage comes up and that is also put side by side with these massive things.

marriage
Marriage


For those who are married and Allah (SWT) has blessed them with spouses, they understand why marriage is sign which is no less in greatness then the heavens and in the earth, thunder, lighting they are aware but perhaps amongst us are those who are not married and we are still little bit confused, maybe we can uncover some of the confusion today.

Why is marriage considered as one of those signs?

Nikah Marriage
Nikah Marriage

One of the reason perhaps it is because here you have two individuals the male and female who have never met each other before who are perhaps raised and nurtured and educated in two different sometimes even conflicting societies. They ate different food they inhale different Air they look different, they had different thoughts and most probably different ages and lo and behold in the single contract called that marriage contract.

They become the closest human beings to ever exist on the earth, this is a sign how Allah (SWT) bring heart together and that is why Allah (SWT) mentions that it was me it was I who created man from water that is our origins.

It was me who created man from the water and then I made him a relative by means of lineage and by means of marriage. Marriage is SubhanAllah a contract which brought two foreign individuals to each other and they have become closer than relatives.

This is one of the signs of the Allah (SWT) within marriage. Another of the aspects we show you how the signs of the greatness of Allah, and oneness of Allah is found in marriage why? Every Muslim brother and sisters focus with me now and take a note of this every single Muslim who traveling to Allah and perusing the pleasure of Allah (SWT), must carry with him or her, three bits of luggage, you can’t let go of any one of these three.

Marriage in islam
Marriage

If you are looking for the pleasure of Allah if you are looking for safety in your grave, if you are looking to cross the bridge (The sirat), if you are looking for your right-hand scale to be heavier, if you are looking to receive looking to receive your books in your right hand, if you are looking for Firdous AL ALA (the highest paradise’s), you need to carry three bits of luggage on your back.


As a Muslim and as a believer the first of them is TAHWEED i.e. the oneness of Allah the oneness of Allah needs to always be before your eyes. Never associating partners with Allah (SWT) in your dua or in your salah or in your sacrifices or in anything.

The second one of them, focus with me you will see how this link to marriage in a moment. The second bit of luggage that you need is what! ITTIBAA which means the following conformity to the sunnah of Prophet (PBUH). There needs to be adherence to the footsteps of Prophet (PBUH), so the second bit of luggage is the following of the tracks of the Messenger of Allah (PBUH).

Bit of Luggage that every Muslims need in his journey to Allah is TAZKIA, Tazkia meaning the purification of the soul. Always ensuring that you are manners, your morals, your emman, your Taqwa are always moving from a state of betterment to betterment, Tazkia; purifying of the soul.

What makes marriage so amazing Allah-huakbar!

Marriage Love
Marriage

And one of the signs of Allah (SWT) is that all three bits of luggage that I just mentioned can be found within the single Act called “MARRIAGE”. It’s amazing wa allahi its azim think about it, begin with Tawheed, we said the first is oneness of Allah, where on earth is that in Marriage? It is found in Marriage in the fact that Allah (SWT) has not taken himself a wife or a husband of a partner or assistant.

Allah (SWT) is not dual, he is one and marriage reminds you of the oneness of Allah How?

Because the human being you and I whether male of female he or she cannot taste the true meaning of serenity and happiness, tranquility, composure only with the assistance of a spouse.

So no matter how arrogant you and I may think we are and who clever we look with our jackets and how smart we look in Lamborghini cars and how independent we think because we now have a good wage coming in every month, there will come a point in your life when you will hit a dead end and you will say I can’t go anymore, I can’t even think straight anymore, I need to be married I need a spouse and that is a reminder of the oneness of Allah.

Copyright © 2018-2019, islam peace

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