All praise be to Allah.

There are 3 purposes of sexual intimacy in Islam.

1. It is mandatory for the conservation of human race and continuity of its kind. It has this divine purpose to show gratitude to the creator.

2. The congested semen or body fluids inside the body can cause serious illnesses and hence has to be ejected out.

3. To fulfill ones desire of sexual pleasure and enjoyment of this blessing.

Apart form these purposes, it is good for human health and yields essential health benefits.

Semen is rich in prostaglandins, which are harmone like fatty acids. These are found in whole of the body but vastly in semen. These are primary nutrients that affect the essential and normal body processes which include blood presure, metabolism, body temperature etc. Hence understanding its effects on body, this important water must be wisely used.

This means to wisely value the reasons behind dispensing of this precious water of life for either conceiving a child, or emitting it through lawful sexual intercourse upon congestion.

Congested semen which are retained for long periods of time inside the body may effect it negatively and may cause various ailments including obsession, lunacy and even insanity. Engaging in lawful sexual intercourse may aid in the recovery from such illnesses.

Moreover, congestion of semen for extra long periods can cause its corruption and may turn it into harmful toxin that a human body cannot easily dispose off. However, sometimes,nature produces a spontaneous and involuntary emission of excess semen, usually during sleep, and without sexual intercourse.

A person must not abstain from having lawful sexual intercourse, for a water well drains out if its water if it’s not used regularly.

Imam Muhammad ibn Zakariyya once said:

“Abstaining from sexual intercourse for an extended period weakens one’s nervous system, can cause obstruction of the urethra, and shrinks the penis.”

He added when he observed some people who vowed temporary abstention from sexual intercourse, that their sexual energy diminished, they suffered general weakness of their bodies, became doleful, lost their desire, and their digestive system became corrupt.

All these benefits are that kf lawful sexual intercourse. Unlawful intercourse leads to destruction and wrath of Allah taala.

Other benefits of lawful sexual intercourse include protection from unlawful things including looking at haraam and preserving ones chastity. With it a person is able to control his desire from unlawful and haraam and protects his spouse as well. Imam Ahmad alluding to abstention from sex, once said:

“I exercise patience when fasting from food and drink, though it is still difficult.”

He also reported in his collection of correct prophetic traditions that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) encouraged the believers to get married, saying:

“Get married, and conceive many children for I shall take pride in your number on the day of judgment.”

Ibn Abbass (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:

“I get married, eat meat, sleep, stand up in night prayers, fast, and break my fast. Whoever disdains from my traditions (Sunnah) is not one of my followers.”

He (SAW) also said:

“O young men whoever among you has the means to establish a family, he should get married, for marriage preserves the chastity of one’s eyes and sexual organ, and whoever cannot afford to establish a family, he must fast from desiring sex, for abstention in that case will protect him from sin.”

Ibn Abbass (RA) one said:

“We recognize that marriage is the best solution for two people who are in love.”

It is also narrated in the two collections of correct prophetic traditions that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:

Allah’s Messenger (SAW) also encouraged people to choose the young and fertile. On this subject, Mu’qal bin Yasar related that a man said to Allah’s Messenger (SAW):

“I found a beautiful woman from a noble family but she cannot bear children, should I marry her? Allah’s Messenger (SAW) replied, “Nay.” The man came back and asked a third time and asked the same question, Allah’s Messenger (SAW) turned to his companions and said: “Choose in your wives the fertile and the affectionate, for I shall take pride in your number on the day of judgment.”

And Allah knows best.

ETIQUETTE OF INTIMATE RELATION

Islam is the only religion that has taught mankind how to live   and behave in every aspect of life. It has brought good teaching  to mankind concerning their livelihood, religion, living and dying.

Moreover, it does not shy away from discussing the matters of intimacy which is indeed is indeed one of the important matter of one’s life. Islam has prescribed a proper conduct and clear rules by which a person can get intimate with his/her spouse. In Islam it is connected to righteous intention, supplication and proper conduct which elevate the level of worship and rewards from Allah.

The Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explains this. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) says in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad:

“Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) brought the most perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and people may find pleasure and enjoyment, and it may fulfill the purpose for which it was created, because sex was created for three basic purposes:

1. The preservation and propagation of the human race.

2. Expulsion of harmful fluid (semen) if retained in the body.

3. Fulfilling physical desires and enjoying physical pleasure. This alone is the feature that will be present in Paradise, because there will be no producing of offspring there, and no retention which needs to be relieved by ejaculation.

(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, p. 249).

And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Among its benefits is that it helps to lower the gaze, brings self-control, enables one to keep away from haraam things, and achieves all of these things for the woman too. It brings benefit to a man with regard to this world and the Hereafter, and benefits the woman too.

Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to enjoy regular intimate relations with his wives, and he said, “In your world, women, and perfume have been made dear to me.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 3/128; al-Nasaa’i, 7/61; classed as saheeh by al-Haakim).

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it helps him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity. And whoever cannot do that, let him fast, for it will be a protection for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/92; Muslim, 1400).

(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 251).

The matters that must be paid attention to when engaging in intimate relationships are as:

1. Sincere intention.

Doing this only for the sake of Allah and to protect oneself from the haram things. To earn the praise of Allah and to attain great rewards.

It was reported from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “In the sexual intercourse of any one of you there is reward” (meaning, when he has intercourse with his wife). They said, O Messenger of Allaah, when any one of us fulfills his desire, will he have a reward for that?

He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you not see that if he were to do it in a haraam manner, he would be punished for that? So if he does it in a halaal manner, he will be rewarded.” (Narrated by Muslim, 720).

2. Precede with the kind words.

Intercourse should be preceded by kind words, playfulness, and kisses. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to play with his wives and kiss them. In fact, intercourse without foreplay is not permissible.

3. Make the supplication.

When a man has intercourse with his wife, he should say: “Bismillaah, Allaahumma jannibnaa al-shaytaan wa jannib al-shaytaan maa razqtanaa (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah Keep us away from the Shaytaan and keep the Shaytaan away from what You bestow on us (our children)).” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: If Allaah decrees that they should have a child, the Shaytaan will never harm him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/187)

4. Sex positions.

A man can have Intercourse with his wife in whatever position he may like but on the condition that it is in her vagina, which is the place from which a child is born. Allaah says: “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223].

Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Jews used to say that if a man had intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child would have a squint. Then this aayah was revealed: Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223].

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “From the front or from the back, so long as it is in the vagina.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 8/154; Muslim, 4/156).

5. Anal Sex is not permitted.

It is not permissible in any circumstances as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. It is known that the place of tilth is the vagina, which is the place from which one hopes for a child.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is cursed who has intercourse with women in their back passages.” (Narrated by Ibn ‘Udayy, 1/211; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 105).

6. Do wudoo.

If a man wishes to approach or come near his wife for the second time, then he should do wudoo because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you has intercourse with his wife then wants to repeat it, let him do wudoo’ between the two (actions), for it is more energizing for the second time.” (Narrated by Muslim, 1/171).

This is mustahabb (recommended), not waajib (obligatory); if he is able to do ghusl between the two actions, this is better, because of the hadeeth of Abu Raafi’ who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went around his wives one day and did ghusl in this one’s house and in this one’s house. He (Abu Raafi’) said: I said to him, O Messenger of Allaah, why do you not do one ghusl? He said, “This is cleaner and better and purer.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Nasaa’i, 1/79)

7. Forbidden during Menstruation.

It is forbidden for a man to come near his wife (have intercourse) when she is menstruating because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an adhaa (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath).

And when they have prufieied themselves, then go in unto them as Allaah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.).” [al-Baqarah 2:222].

But it is permissible for the husband to enjoy his menstruating wife without having intercourse, because of the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would tell one of us, when she was menstruating, to wear a waist-wrapper, then her husband would lie with her.” (Agreed upon).

8. Azl is not prohibited.

It is not prohibited for spouses to do azl i.e. to withdraw before ejaculation. By the same token, it is permissible for him to use condoms – if his wife gives her permission, because she has the right to pleasure and to children. The evidence for this is the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said, “We used to do ‘azl at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) heard about that, and he did not forbid us.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/250; Muslim, 4/160).

9. Do not spread your secret.

It is forbidden and is haram for spouses to reveal what happens between them in their private life. It is a very evil thing.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Among the most evil of people before Allaah on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who comes to his wife and has intercourse with her, then he spreads her secrets.” (Narrated by Muslim, 4/157).

It was reported from Asmaa’ bint Yazeed that she was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and men and women were sitting with him, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Would any man say what he did with his wife? Would any woman tell others what she did with her husband?” The people kept quiet and did not answer.

I [Asmaa’] said: “Yes, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, they (women) do that, and they (men) do that.” He said, “Do not do that. It is like a male devil meeting a female devil in the road and having intercourse with her whilst the people are watching.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, no. 1/339; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 143).

May Allah give us good manners and beautiful etiquettes throughout our lives.

THINGS THAT SHOULD KEEP IN VIEW WHILE INTERCOURSE

Speaking from the intimacy point of view, there are   guidelines that you need to understand and this is from both perspectives.As Muslims, we should be well aware of these things.

When a person has question regarding intimacy they do not feel comfortable to speak with imaam. They do not share anything about it with the brother they see in the Masjid. There needs to be a safe space. So we want to give you a general guideline in terms of what is allowed and what is not and the reason why we bring this is because one of the biggest levels of frustration is because of this improper intimacy.

These types of things need to be discussed among the teenagers and adults so that they are getting married in a Halal and in a mature way.

So first let us talk about what is Halal and what is Haram, the general script, the general point, and general rule when it comes to intimacy is that everything is Halal until proven Haram. When you look into the shariah, what are the things that Allah (SWT) has prohibited? And there are 4 things that Allah (SWT) has clearly prohibited.

No 1 is that Allah (SWT) has prohibited intimacy through the anus. No2 Allah (SWT) has prohibited intimacy when a woman is in her menstrual cycle and this takes the same rule when she has postpartum bleeding (i.e. bleeding during and after delivery) during that time it is not permissible to be physically intimate with her.

So the first thing we mentioned is that intimacy through the anus is clearly Haram and in fact this is something that there is consensus on that there’s no disagreement upon that this is prohibited, this is prohibited and is not allowed and the same thing applies to the 2nd as well that during menstruation and during postpartum bleeding, it is not permissible to have marital relation at that time.

They can (husband and wife) be intimate in a sense that they can hold hands, they can kiss one another, they can enjoy in every single way except for having marital relations.

Then comes no 3 is that a person should not be filthy, what does this general guideline mean? This guideline encompasses of two main things Ist is the way we speak with one another, so for example, living in our culture, there is a culture of being very vulgar while having sex.

That is not allowed in Islam, rather there should be a level of humanity and a level of dignity that needs to be retained. One of side effect of watching pornography is that you are developing a culture of intimacy that is not allowed in Islam. So from guild line no 3 we get that a person should not be filthy.

Then the fourth thing is that you are not meant to be wasteful and this is something that, you know you’ll find in the books of old that certain things that you’re allowed to use intimacy, certain things that you are not allowed to use in intimacy, so the question arises: are you allowed using food while being intimate?

And answer to this is yes as long as you’re consuming that food so for example, you know I am going throw out names of food, you figure out what to do with them, so when you talk about things like chocolate souse, you talk about whip cream you talk about those sort of things, these are things that are allowed to use but the at the same time a person should not be wasteful, a person should not just use these things and throw it away but rather you’re meant to consume them and not be wasteful.

Those are general guidelines and both man and women are differently oriented as far as intimacy is a concern. Now, what is the difference between the intimacy of a man and women?

For a man, he is very goal oriented, so for a man, it’s about doing the task and finished the task and that will give him a greater degree of satisfaction.

While when comes to women they are experience oriented. For women it’s not about finishing the task it’s about the experience.

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