All Praise be to Allah, the lord of the Heavens and Earth.
Any form of relationship between man and a woman, which is called and the unlawful and illicit relation is Haraam. It doesn’t matter if it goes as far as being intimate (Zina) which is indeed most hated, reprehensible and abhorrent type of a sin. It poses a great danger to individuals religious commitment and faith, or it is less than that, such as looking, touching or kissing. All of that is haraam and these are types of Zina in the general sense and are things that lead to the greater immoral action.
If the marriage takes place after a haraam relationship between a man and woman, then one of the following scenarios must apply:
1. Either that marriage comes after an illegitimate sexual relationship, in which case the marriage is not valid except on the condition that both the man and woman repent from Zina and it be established that the woman is not pregnant as a result of the haraam relationship, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The adulterer/fornicator marries not but an adulteress/fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress/fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer/fornication or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer/fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer/fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism)” [al-Noor 24:3].
2. That marriage comes from a haraam relationship, but the relationship did not go as far as Zina, such as kissing, touching and other haraam actions that are less serious than Zina. In this case, the marriage is valid because it cannot be said of those who fell into this haraam relationship that they committed Zina.
In the name of Allah, the most compassionate, the most merciful.
Allah has created the bond of marriage as the most sacred bond between a man and a woman. Marriage makes it possible and permissible for them to enjoy each other. Allah has described this bond as:
And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)
Marriage is also an important part of the Sunnah. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “The Nikah is my Sunnah (way), whosoever leaves my Sunnah is not from amongst me” (Kitabus Sunan – Mishkat)
The Prophet of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has also said as narrated by Ibn Masud (May Allah be pleased with him)
“Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at nonpermissible females and protects you from immorality. However, those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Regardless, we find in today’s world that there are marriages that are totally improper and unfair and also makes ones life miserable. These marriages are either forced or arranged against a person’s will. Islam does not support in any way a marriage where either the man or woman is unhappy with the setup.
The first thing we must know that Islam does not approve of any sort of Forced marriage. It is not valid and is haraam. We must understand that love and compatibility must be ensured by both the parties. However, we must know that The issue of forced marriage is not only a Muslim problem but can occur in any community. It is, unfortunately, happening in our society even today and Islam highly condemns it. The approval of both the parties is must to form a marriage contract.
Islam regards the marriage as the right of an individual and therefore others cannot force them into something that they do not want in their life. No one can make a decision on their behalf, and if one happens to do that, he is answerable on the day of judgment, to Allah. No one has the right to put the person’s life into miseries, no matter what the reasons are. Allah has given all the Human Beings the power to decide for themselves and this is one matter where he/she has to decide for himself/herself.
If a woman/man is forced into marriage then the marriage would not be valid and would, therefore, need to be canceled. However, daughters and sons should also recognize the rights of their parents and come to an agreed solution before the marriage takes place.
If this does not happen then those who forced the marriage and those who allowed it is both guilty and has committed a major sin. The following incident clarifies the position of forced marriages in Islam;
Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said, “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”
He said, “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)
At first, The Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked her to obey her father as the concern of a father is the well being of his daughter. He advised her to follow her fathers decision and make peace among families but when he (peace be upon him ) realize that she did not want this marriage and this marriage was forced upon her, he nullified it and gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into unwanted marriage.
After hearing this she clearly mentioned to Prophet (Peace be upon him) that she does not want to cancel the marriage but wanted people to know that no father can force his daughter into a marriage that she did not want.
however, it must be noted that just like a parent does not have the right to force his child into marriage, the child too is not allowed to marry anyone by disobeying his/her parents. There is no place for disobedience to one’s parents in Islam.
Let’s try to define secret marriages first. “Any marriage contract taking place between a man and a woman without the knowledge of the parents of one or both the individuals, marriage was done without the consent of the parents, marriage, about which no one is aware.”
Secret marriages are highly disliked in Islam and are considered as haraam if one goes against the will of the parents.
The reason for this is that it means that those who are responsible for them are not advised of it and the couple will go against their parents by doing so. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has clearly stressed that the will of the father is the will of Allah (Bukhari) also how important it is to obtain the dua of one’s parents.
We recognize that some parents need to be advised and talked about the issue regarding marriage, this should be done by asking relatives or local Imaam’s to intervene. If one’s parents are not agreeing than try to convince them. Parents must also note that they must not be so strict regarding such issues and push their children to take extreme steps.
Create an atmosphere of love and respect for you. Remember your children are humans too and have emotions as well as feelings. Getting hard on them and leading them to sin of disobedience is also a great sin. Children may also note that they understand the reason behind the parent’s advice and give those a thought.
It is, however, the duty of both, parents and children to try to maintain peace and love in the family and protect one another from the wrath of Allah and destruction. Insha Allah, a marriage can only ever obtain spiritual comfort if the dua of one’s mother and father is with them.
Whilst the secret marriage may be valid it does not mean it is right and blessed.
May Allah give us the ability to understand the sacred concept of marriage and the Islamic approach towards it.
One of the many issues that we face in our current times is the issue of marriage especially you know being a young guy or a young girl trying to get married it’s almost become a mission impossible and I really wanted to speak out in specific to my brothers and my father’s in regards to our daughters and our sisters.
My brothers we have a serious responsibility when it comes to our sisters. you know it’s not just to feed them and to shelter them and to look out for them but rather we have a responsibility to play an active role in getting them married.
I mean our daughters and our sisters are not pieces of furniture that sit at home, you know our sisters are now 20, 25, 30 years old still at home unmarried because you and I are not playing an active role in making the marriage easy for them. I’m not speaking about the sister that wants to remain single but how many of our sisters want to get married, they actually desire to be with someone and we’ve become an obstacle.
Wallahi My brothers and I’m being very honest and blunt. Our women feel unappreciated and they most certainly feel unloved. When was the last time you as a father, when was the last time you sat down with your daughter and smiled at her and told her how beautiful she is, how pretty her smile is, when was the last time you took her out to a cafe and made her feel involved in her life. When was the last time you reassured your daughter that when she grows up you’re gonna find her the best husband in the world.
At 20, 30 you’re not speaking about marriage, she’s obviously not married and no one’s knocking on the door and no one is saying anything, it’s like the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about, everyone can see it but God forbid anyone should talk about it so my brother’s and my father’s we need to play a more active role, we need to show love and compassion towards our daughters.
You need to show them that love, you need to smile at them, you need to reassure them every now and then that ”hey I haven’t forgotten about you”
The other issue is that when someone does come to ask for your daughter’s hand don’t make it mission impossible. My brothers and sisters you know we need to stop living in la-la land, we really need to take our heads out of the sand and understand the environment that we’re living in.
Zina has become so easy and abundant, it is so easy to fornicate nowadays and marriage has become near impossible and again it’s against the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw), we claim that it’s Deen, Deen, Deen but it’s the furthest from it.
Look at the advice of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw): He says ”if a man comes to you and he has religion coupled with manners then marry your daughters to him” why did the prophet of Allah say religion coupled with manners? because the fruits of religion is manners so when someone comes to you who’s god-fearing, he prays, he fasts, he does what Allah asks him, coupled with manners and he has Adhab & Akhlaq, he is polite, he is patient, he is forgiving, he is loving marry your daughter’s to this person and don’t make it difficult and if you do then you open a door a Fitnah.
How many times have I seen young brothers who are beautiful, you know very good brothers that have a lot of potential and possess all of these qualities but because he doesn’t drive a brand new car, because he doesn’t own a house, because he doesn’t have a business that’s making thousands of dollars a week, he’s rejected and this causes Fitnah.
Please I’m urging every brother and every father and mother to start playing a more active role when it comes to your these things, lets start making marriage easy. I hope I have inspired or I have instigated at least this wanting to do good and to spreading Khair.
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