Advice for the One Who Said . . .
“OK So, it’s Haram! But, I love him!!”
Haram Relationships (boyfriend/girlfriend) are not permitted without marriage in Islam. Many reasons for this include:
1. (Haram Relationships) Full rights of marriage, fidelity, stable home, security, legitimate children & proper family life.
2. Give any children born full legitimate family rights, stable home, dual parental care & upbringing, full inheritance.
3. Grand parents rights to their legitimate grandchildren, enjoy their families.
4. Protect the sanctity of legitimate relationship and bond between spouses, security of intimacy and faithfulness.
5. Family involvement to build lasting, secure and ongoing relationship for the entire family on both sides.
But most important – it is a COMMANDMENT FROM GOD
This is not a new Commandment. It was given to the people all the way back to ancient prophets, peace be upon them all. The Jews and Christians still have it in several places in their Bible.
Certainly Muslims are aware of the Commandments of Allah in the Quran (read Surah An-Nur, chapter 24, inshallah):
Close friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous!
Love haram But still, we have sisters telling us, “But I love him!”
“WHAT? EVEN THOUGH IT IS HARAM??”
She says, “But still, you don’t know how I feel, and Allah knows my heart. I just love him so much and he loves me too”.
OK – Here are some facts, dear sisters – so listen and listen good.
You think he “loves you”? No. He doesn’t love you!
Sister, no matter how much you think he loves you here in this world – he’ll hate you a million times more on Judgment Day!
He will hate you more than anyone else on the Day of Judgment!
He will blame you for the relationship and he will ask Allah to throw you into Hell-Fire, instead of him.
You think you “Love him”? No. You don’t!
You don’t love him. You lust (desire) him and want to influence his life and use him for your own desire.
Do you love his “sweet words”? Sister, those “sweet words” are the whispers of the devil himself.
Or maybe you “love the way other girls will be jealous of you”?
Maybe you think he is a “real man” or because he seems “popular”? A real man doesn’t take advantage of a girl, ruining her reputation in the community and then moving on to the next “special girl” to “love him”.
Or he is “kind to you”?
How kind is it to throw someone’s life away? And then let them go to Hell?
A good Muslim girl only loves the man she will accept to marry because of his commitment to Allah. The more he tries to serve Allah and care for his family as a good Muslim man should, then the more a good Muslim girl will love her husband. That is a simple fact.
Does he want to marry you? Really? So why doesn’t he talk to your father or wali, instead of talking to his buddies about how he’s got this Muslim girlfriend?
What about all those “Promises”? The more he promises, the more disappointed you are going to be later. THAT IS A PROMISE!
REAL LOVE TEST – Try this “True Love Test” on him:
1. Does he care more about you or Allah? Think about that. If he loves you more than Allah, the Creator of the universe, the One giving us life, then where do you think you will fit in his life later on?
2. (Haram) Does he want good for you in this life? – Halal, faithful marriage? Maintain your virginity? Uphold your reputation? Care for your family & parents?
3. Does he truly love you as his Muslim sister? – Would he let his sister have a “boyfriend”? If he would, then he doesn’t care much about his sister, or Islam for that matter. If he would not allow his sister to have a boyfriend, then what does that say about his true feelings toward you?
4. Does he want good for you in the Next Life? – What happens to people who have relationships outside of marriage? Is there punishment for fornication in the Next Life? Would he let you go to Hell so he can have pleasure by using you?
Try this “True Islam Test”
1. Really!! does he want you with him in Jannah, close to our prophet, peace be upon him, in the Next Life?
2. Really!! Does he only speak to you in front of your wali (father, brother or guardian) being present?
3. Is he mutaqqeen (truly righteous)? What about you? You said you know it is Haram, but you will do it anyway? Is that righteous?-
Read Surah Al Zukhruf, chapter 43, verse 67 Allah Says, “Close friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous”
If you guys really love each other, then you don’t shove each other into the Fire of Hell. You would do whatever it takes to stay out of Hell and help each other in righteousness.
True love? That should be for eternity, not for a few months, weeks, or a couple of nights out.
Halal relationship in Islam? It’s permitted. No problem! Right after a simple agreement is fulfilled – it’s called MARRIAGE.
Now ask yourself, “Do I love Allah?”
Of course you do.
But there are two types of love that cannot come together in the heart of a believer:
1. LOVE of Allah, the Rabbil Alameen, Lord of the Worlds, Maliki Yawmadeen, Master of the Day of Judgment!
2. Love of Haram.
Sister, wake up! STOP NOW – before it’s gets worse and you can’t stop. You can still get out of this. Leave this HARAM way – NOW!
Leave it for Allah. Turn to Allah and make Tawbah, repent to Allah now!
Allah will grant you much more that what you will give up of this Haram.
But you have to be strong in front of shaytaan, strong against the shaytaan’s words and shaytaan feelings in both of you.
Make the first step – ask Allah, “Guide me, Allah. Forgive me and guide me to what is better for me here and in the Hereafter, Ameen.”
Cry! You need to. Cry more. You’ll feel better.
Tell your parents, you are ready for marriage. And be very serious about going through what it takes to get married (soon) to the right Muslim boy!
Remember, “Never wait for tomorrow to fix what you are doing today! Tomorrow may never come!”
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